Chrissy Olinger

Flame War Template*

2012-02-08T12:18:00.001-05:00

Writers are busy. Many professionals are. So how on earth can we find time to engage in flame wars?

Now you can participate without the bother of thinking, clicking links, or even typing responses.

How?

With my simple FLAME WAR TEMPLATE!

The FLAME WAR TEMPLATE will be coming soon to amazon, and will be available for download at the incredibly low price of $19.95. What do you get?

EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO PARTICIPATE IN A FLAME WAR!

The standard responses required to taunt other users, like:

That’s so typical of you. We’re all getting tired of the way you start trouble. Check your facts:

http://www.holierthanthou.com
http://www.sanctimonius.com
http://www.pedanticbs.com

And HERE is why you should be killed for expressing that AWFUL opinion:
http://www.rootofallevil.com

Standard retorts:

I love how you think those links are meaningful when they clearly are not. I took the time to do ACTUAL RESEARCH and you may want to look at the following:

http://www.wayholierthanthou.com
http://www.moresanctimonius.com
http://www.extrapedanticbs.com

Frankly, violence and threats are typical of you. Get therapy:

http://www.armchair-psychology.com/yourissue

And you’re going to need things like the standard PM from chicken-shit users:

It’s not fair to attack <YOURNAME>. I don’t necessarily agree with <him/her>, but

“We’re all getting tired of the way you start trouble.”

That just isn’t true. I like you, <OriginalPoster>, but remember the thread from the last flame war, where you said:

“Completely contradictory quote from previous dust-up.”

I really think you are the pot calling the kettle black. No offense.

Of course, you’ll need SUPER SECRET supporters, too! We include private message paste-ins at no extra charge:

OMG <YourName> we all hate <OriginalPoster>, but she’s best friends with <Administrator/Owner> and there was no way I was getting into it with her.

I’m so sorry! Give me your cell? We can talk.

I also have something to tell you about <Administrator/Owner> and <OriginalPoster> and that <slut/creep>. At the last <Convention/Barbeque>? OMG!

Finally, as an extra bonus, you will also receive a standard, outraged-response from the Owner and/or Admin. No flame war is complete until he or she sends it:

Dear <YourName>,

As you know, I have worked VERY hard to sign up for this free bulletin board on the internet. It took three days to pick the color scheme. I have paid, at great expense, the domain fees each year with the blood, sweat, and tears of begging members to donate via paypal. I work arduously by appointing OPS who are terrified to do anything but agree with me. And I poured my soul into this online community by attending meet-ups where suck-ups travel long distances to cheap hotels just for the privilege of buying me drinks and back-stabbing others.

If you think this is something I take lightly, you are mistaken. This board is my life. I NEGLECTED MY CHILDREN AND SUFFERED A DIVORCE FOR THIS BOARD!!!

If you continue to taunt <OriginalPoster>, who babysat my kids while I was drinking at the last forum bash out of her sheer dedication and love for this community, you will be banned. <OriginalPoster> has given his/her time, energy, and several bottles of wine to the greater good. I will not see him/her treated with blatant honesty and uncensored common sense.

Yours, <Owner/Admin>

Save time, money, and aggravation! Avoid contact with actual people who are incapable of reasonable exchanges! For under $20.00 you can get your life BACK!

*The Flame War Template was created to save time and energy, but should not be used by inexperienced readers. Exposure to flame or water may cause electric shock. Not for use with IRC chat rooms or twitter. Do not expose Flame War Template to direct sunlight. Excessive use has been shown to cause vision problems in lab rats. If vomiting, dizziness, or rash appear contact a physician immediately. Not responsible for genital shrinkage.

At An Amazon Bookstore Near You…

2012-02-07T05:25:00.001-05:00

A year ago I kept talking about a touch-Kindle in color that would rival the Nook. I wasn’t just guessing. I’d read many articles about Amazon acquiring a company that created touch technology. It was a very poorly kept secret. I have also speculated that an Amazon dedicated phone is coming. I base this on rumors, and on the knowledge that Amazon tried very hard to acquire Blackberry’s RIM when it was in trouble.

The store is coming. Nearly everyone I mention this to scoffs or shrugs and says “maybe in five years.” But with the recent hissy fits from BN and BAM, I’m calling it sooner.

Guess what? So are the other nerds who predict this stuff. Thus spake the pundits:

Reuters is reporting a Seattle Store soon. CLICK HERE

MSN Money Quotes Good Ereader in a somewhat twitchy report. CLICK HERE

Tech Circle Weighs in with almost identical language (do these guys cross check?) CLICK HERE

PC World, Invoking the B word (bully), chimes in, too! CLICK HERE

Just remember who told you so.

Waffling

2012-02-06T16:10:00.002-05:00

Lately I have been waffling a lot. Like… if they had an Olympic Wafflers Team I’d captain that sucker. But it isn’t so much my own indecision as a fear of jumping guns, missing opportunities, or misreading a market that is changing so fast you’ll be left in the dust if you take a single day off. Seriously, skip one day of Publisher’s Weekly updates on twitter and you’re an antiquated, clueless boob.

Not long ago local book stores may have invited me to do signings or readings. As of this month, Books A Million and Barnes and Noble want nothing to do with me and my dirty Create Space cooties. Smaller indie stores are spinning in chaos, trying to make their way to the eye of the hurricane to survive at all. Many reviewers have become blatantly hostile toward independently published works. With My Boyfriend’s Back and the titles I have out under my sooper-seekrit pen name, I have dodged a lot of bombs. My Amazon reviews are consistently 4 or higher, averaging 4.3 for MBF and 4.5 or there-abouts for my other titles. All of those reviews were unsolicited. I did well elsewhere too-- some with bloggers, others on goodreads or similar sites. I made a conscious decision not to submit or query, but I may change that with Cry Uncle.

I’ve even re-delayed release while I figure it out. And do I go SELECT, or not? Do I thumb my nose at BN? I’ve never been able to figure out sales or actual rankings on their site. Amazon seems to be my ground zero, but there are readers who won’t download a Kindle app, and the soft cover won’t be cheap to produce. Do I price it fairly, or underprice it to drive traffic to an ebook that gets me more money per download? If so, can I afford to ignore Smashwords and BN? And if I go THAT way, how do I…

*sigh*

I don’t know. It seems like publishing is in a free fall. I’m loving how fast it’s changing as much as I’m wigging out with dizzy disorientation. It’s a wild ride, and I LIKE that it’s wild. I’ve always been a roller-coaster gal. I’ve never been one to spin sedately on a merry-go-round. But at some point we have to hit bottom, and the details do matter. Parachute or big, fluffy pillow? Bungee bounce or big, wet splash? The rules keep changing, and it’s not wise to be in mid-air while they sort themselves, no matter how exhilarating the fall may be.

Can I at least get some whipped cream on my waffles?

Thanks SO MUCH, Beverly. I am praying for Phil.

2012-02-01T18:24:00.001-05:00

I got an email today that made me cry. In fact, I’m still crying. I was given permission by Beverly to share it with my readers.

Can I ask all my friends, family, and anyone out there in the blogosphere with a heart to add Phil to your prayers? He can use them. Maybe a whisper or two for Beverly, who must be feeling weary. And may angels continue to float through the halls of Dana Farber.

Dear Ms. Olinger,

I wanted to write to you to thank you for the short story, My Boyfriend's Back. A nurse at Dana Farber noticed me reading on my Kindle and wrote your name down on a piece of paper for me. I have been visiting the DF Cancer Institute with my husband for a few weeks, who is battling prostate cancer.
I hope you don't mind if I share a small part of our story with you. Phil, my husband, was my crush when we went to high school together. That was 37 years ago, but we met up after years apart at our 20th high school reunion. Just like Rori and John! He was divorced and I had never married. We grew up three streets apart in Quincy. I always admired him, but was very shy. After sitting together at the reunion we began dating and were never apart again.
Your story reminded me so much of how lucky we were to find eachother, and how much Phil means to me. I also loved your angels! It made me wonder about every orderly, aide, nurse, and patient advocate we have met in this difficult time. How many are angels, like your Norman "Normiel" and his friends? I think all of them are!!
Phil is holding his own. I wanted to let you know that reading your story made me smile and laugh on a very hard day. My daughter bought me this Kindle for Christmas. I never thought I'd read on an ebook device. Boy, was I wrong! Thank you so much for making a bad day better. When I thanked the nurse she told me you were a very nice person who does a lot for families and survivors of cancer. That made me feel even better. I can just tell I'd like you very much. Waiting for your next stories eagerly.

Sincerely,
Beverly*

Brighton, MA

Blessings, and blessings, and grateful thanks to you, Beverly, for taking the time to write to me. I’ll be praying for you and Phil with all my might.

*I deleted Beverly’s last name for her privacy.

Welcome My Friends at Kindle Kandy!

2012-02-01T02:35:00.001-05:00

Just a quick hello and a recommendation for Kindle owners/readers… my friends Maria Alvarez, Odette Flannagan, and Sarah Levy are launching a Kindle blog with lots of fun stuff.

Full disclosure: they have pimped me in their opening salvo, and I designed the site and helped them set it up. But it’s ALL them, and I am now just a fan. Maria, Dette, and Sarah are planning to recommend books that have a minimum of 10 reviews, with an overall rating of 4 stars or higher. They will list mostly free titles, but others, as well. And they’ll be doing reviews and short articles, too.

Visit them and follow on twitter or FB to keep up! Kindle Kandy

Anti-Social Media

2012-01-30T14:50:00.001-05:00

A recent discussion on a forum I frequent resulted in a friendly debate about social media. The original poster cited an article claiming it was useless. Others chimed in to question the source, the methods, and the proof in proverbial puddings.

Me? I’m with Eric Clapton. It’s in the way that you use it.

Nearly all of my readers who didn’t simply find me on amazon itself have come to me via the web. Some were twitter encounters; some facebook; a few goodreads; many via blogs that list free/cheap reads and other blog reviewers. Some of those tweets/postings were my own, many (probably most) were from others.

Yet a lot of writers claim to get no benefit. Why?

Not to be mean, but it’s not us, it’s you.

In most cases, if a person tweets nothing but pimpage, I unfollow/defriend and never look back. In a few cases, the person in question was someone I LIKED, so I didn’t want to be rude or insulting. I kept him or her in my twitter follows or facebook friends. I see these authors post the EXACT SAME PIMP once or twice per day. They don’t interact. They don’t converse. They are, to put it bluntly, ANTI-SOCIAL. The “social” in social media is the difference.

I follow some writers I admire, but do not know personally. They post links to their work, articles about themselves and their friends, photos of covers, and more. I’ll click that link EVERY SINGLE TIME. But I also laugh at their jokes, become interested in their charities, and think about the things they say. There is a reason I read Joe Konrath’s blog, but have only read a few of his books. There is a reason I read Patrick Rothfuss with cultish-fangirl fervor, and will also await his somewhat rare blog posts with relish. There is also a reason I could give a shit less what my actual friend, Suzy Author is posting on twitter. She posted it yesterday. She’ll post it tomorrow. It looks EXACTLY like this:

It will look EXACTLY like that every time Suzy shares… and it’s the only thing Suzy EVER shares. Twice a day, clockwork, Facebook and Twitter. Suzy is not a real person, and that tweet was created in Paintshop… but I know a dozen Suzys and Sams, and only my personal affection for them keeps them in my feed at all.

Not only will nobody ever click the link… they are very likely to become utterly turned off. The flip side of that practice—one of anti-social rudeness, if we want to put a fine point on it—is an engaging, pleasant relationship between author or publisher and reader. I’ve purchased books in a single, casual CLICK simply because the person recommending it was somebody I respected. But I’ve picked up a title or two because everyone HATED the book and I was curious… or because there was a kerfuffle over the subject and I wanted in. But the common denominator isn’t that I LIKE the people involved… it was that I found them INTERESTING.

Social. For those who are vague about the meaning:

so·cial adj \ˈsō-shəl\

: involving allies or confederates <the Social War between the Athenians and their allies>

2 a : marked by or passed in pleasant companionship with friends or associates <an active social life> b : sociablec : of, relating to, or designed for sociability <a social club>

3 : of or relating to human society, the interaction of the individual and the group, or the welfare of human beings as members of society <social institutions>

4 a : tending to form cooperative and interdependent relationships with others b : living and breeding in more or less organized communities<social insects>c of a plant : tending to grow in groups or masses so as to form a pure stand

5 a : of, relating to, or based on rank or status in a particular society <a member of our social set> b : of, relating to, or characteristic of the upper classesc : formal

6 : being such in social situations <a social drinker>

Source: Merriam-Webster Online

Letting A Cameo Go

2012-01-28T23:16:00.001-05:00

Most people know I collect cameos. My collection gets so gigantic that, occasionally, I have to let a few go. I don’t mind keeping some of the museum pieces (several that are large and unset) under glass to be cooed over, but the rings, pins, and sets… these deserve to be worn by somebody who loves them.

My favorite collectibles are rings, but I seem to only wear the ones Ahmed has given me. I like to see him glance down, spot it on my hand, and smile. So this ring— a turn of the century piece I got at an estate sale—is going to a new home. She is a beautiful Italian carved muse (there’s a harp at her shoulder) with AMAZING silver work in the setting— very fine and detailed rope and beadwork.

She’s a size 8 and is up for paid-adoption on ebay. I hope somebody loves her as much as I do. It’s pathetic—I sell them because it makes me sad NOT to wear them, but I cry every time, too.

CLICK HERE TO BID

Crashed… Lyrics from a Song Within a Story

2012-01-26T23:19:00.001-05:00

I’m working tonight on a short story written a few years ago that I would like to put out sometime in the next year as a free read. The other stuff was making my brain mushy.

In the story, a woman uses songs she sings in a little pub to bare her heart to her husband. I was looking through old lyric notebooks from the days when I wrote and sang with friends (loooong ago). Then I thought about that adorable line Ahmed gave a friend, who asked him “when did you fall for her?” He answered “I didn’t fall, I crashed.” It has always stayed with me. I’ve stolen it for the following song.

Crashed

Frame the question in your heart:
was it worth the sacrifice?
Second chances, second starts...
Second leases on a life.
If I had the chance to change
or to start it all anew
take a second shot-- it's strange,
but I'd run right back to you.
It's been rough and it's been tangled
but the twists have made a shape
that, while bruised, and torn, and strangled
it's an ache I can't escape.
Light casts shadows on the pain,
but the curves rise from the lows
and time lifts most of the stains
and time softens all the blows.
It's been coming-- we both knew
there's a choice we'll have to make
twisted, tiny, but it grew--
beat the odds-- found roots to take.
Sad and fragile-- weak and pale,
but it's yearning for the light
and the light may dim and fail
but there's hope where there's a fight.
Would you stay, and fight with me?
Will you give this thing a chance?
Will you look for light with me
in this tumbling, crazy dance?
Out of chaos comes-- I don't know
something worth the fear and pain.
And if we can't try now I don't know--
if I can ever try again.
Let it live. Let it breathe.
Let it struggle toward the sun.
Take my hand. Just don't leave.
Fight that tremor. Stay. Don't run.
We're a tide. Ebbing, flowing...
sometimes high and sometimes low.
And I know my fear is showing,
that I'm so scared you're gonna go.
Like the waves upon the shore,
scattering treasures where they've dashed
from the fear came something more
babe, I didn't fall, I crashed.

Thanks for Your Views

2012-01-24T13:25:00.001-05:00

I would like to take a brief moment to thank everyone who has reviewed My Boyfriend’s Back. The time you take to give feedback is a tremendous gift to authors. Some authors don’t read reviews—I do. But your remarks help move books, inform other readers, and keep our work active out there in the interwebs.

Not everybody loves me, though I have been very touched to discover most do. Your opinions do matter, and the time you take does, too.

Thank you, readers! Independent reviews from independent reviewers are perhaps the greatest gift to independent authors.

Pick Up That Gaunlet, Amazon

2012-01-20T14:45:00.001-05:00

I have never been on board with the notion that Amazon was in competition with Apple. The Fire isn’t an iPad replacement. But I may have to eat crow in 2012. Rumors that an Amazon phone may appear abound. And Apple has just announced something pretty cool—and pretty alluring for writers.

Yesterday Apple announced a free author tool for indie/direct publishing. While Amazon has tools and templates available, there is no dedicated program or app for KDP authors to simplify and streamline the process. The gauntlet now sits at Amazon’s feet.

Read About Apples Tool Here

Books created with the tool can only be sold on iBooks. Fair—and a pretty big challenge to other publishing sources.

Here we go, katz n kittenz… it’s getting interesting!

The Miraculous Gift of Casual Intimacy

2012-01-18T17:31:00.003-05:00

I had a long week. And today I am writing, catching up on a bit of work from my “other” job, waiting for a call from my intellectual property lawyer, and spending time with Ahmed.

Yes, I can do all of those things at once.

Sometimes when I read romance novels I wonder what kind of relationships the authors have. Good writers—REALLY good—come off the page in a way that convinces me they are loved, and are loving. It’s a bit like reading something with families woven tightly through the plot, and recognizing something an only child, or a person with a small family, has crafted. You simply can’t write THE WALTONS if you were brought up without a mess of siblings. That’s a dynamic you can’t invent. It has to be in you.

When I read a story, or see a film, that is all passion and wild emotions, I often think to myself, how many divorces has the poor slob who scribbled this thing into being been through? Passion is the frosting. Where’s the cupcake?

I am so grateful to have passion in my life. No, really… as a plus size woman who has survived horrible pain in the pursuit of love—both physical and emotional—to feel desired and return that powerful swell and crash with another person? For someone like me that’s more than just indulging in the dramatic edge of love. For me, that’s the ultimate expression of trust. It’s the knife’s edge. It’s the cliff diver poised above the sea. It’s the fall, the rush, the splash, the euphoria of risking everything. I have never been capable of giving myself too freely. When I was young, this felt like a curse. To fear exposure so deeply seemed to limit me in ways lithe, sleek, beautiful girls could never understand.

I’m older now, with even more scars, wrinkles, and marks. In my age I have come to understand that my insecurity was a gift. It was the relationship-equivalent of fight-or-flight. My discomfort was chain-mail. Those earliest years, when I had a little bit to strut, took me to dark places, laid me bare on dark altars, and left me damaged. But the scars wove together, forced modesty and caution upon me, and many swords have broken trying to pierce this shroud of protection. My grandmother used to call me “fey.” I wonder if this is elven-wrought.

Why am I thinking about this today, on my day of peace and indulgence? I find, as I grow older and wiser, and (thank the angels!) more loved, my perspective grows nearly crystal-clear in matters of the heart and hearth. Very recently I was at a social get-together and heard two women of my own age—both gorgeous creatures and single—speak with longing about taking their current beaus off for weekends of wild sex and chocolate dipped strawberries… full body massages and naughty movies… long walks and…

Good GAWD—stop trying so hard! That’s for the beginning, not the END. You cram all that into one weekend that poor son-of-a-bitch is going to run like hell.

Or maybe not… but I know I’d be sick and tired of all that effort by, say, mid-morning, day two.

What I crave, what sustains me, what draws me from this hard-won armor in star-dazzled wonder and sweetness are days like today. We have been apart for several days that were long and arduous for both of us. Ahmed did not meet me at the brownstone door with a rose between his teeth. He met me with firm, warm arms and the smell of the grapefruit balm he always wears after shaving. He met me with a rough, dark voice in my ear and a query—how was I? He met me with enough passion and fierceness to set fire to the sleek kittens prancing and preening down Newbury Street in Dolce and Gabanna. The details are for us, but I’m sure you can guess.

We don’t need marathons of scented oil and the Illustrated Kama Sutra with Popup Graphs. Thanks… we get it right the first time… and the second. And the rest is bliss, my friends.

The frosting has been licked away and was glorious perfection. The best of this confection is NOW. Me, waiting for an email to come back, pecking out this blog post, feeling languorously happy, listening to my beautiful man whistle while he cooks me dinner. I am perfectly happy to be HERE, propped on the couch with my laptop while we play role-reversal. But the miracle of this casual intimacy—the absolute marvel of these moments, drifting off into luscious memory with the remains of the day—is that they are EASY. They are effortless, simple, drowned in a lifetime of trust and complete abandon. They require nothing but the indulgence of freeing the beast from its cage and listening to it purr.

I once heard Ahmed say that he did not “fall” for me: he crashed. It made me smile, and still does. I did not “fall” for him, either. I resisted for a very long time, but the time did come, in the end. The sweetest of all choices, that. I threw back my head, shed this bright armor, and launched myself into him.

THAT is the miracle of true intimacy… that it BECOMES so casual and light. Born of a choice to be fearless, it sheds the coils of hesitancy and sends us spiraling with new wings.

Gotta go… dinner’s ready. :)

Calling All Amazon Cultists?

2012-01-14T12:36:00.001-05:00

My first prediction for 2012 is an amazon phone by 2013.

Yup. I said it.

Last year Blackberry was in semi-sooper-seekrit talks with amazon, who wanted to acquire RIM. RIM was in trouble and amazon wanted the technology to tweak. The rumors began.

Just as news that amazon had gobbled up a touch-technology company the year before, sparking wild speculation about the Fire prior to its release, the RIM-grab has prompted techno-dweebs everywhere to delay purchases of new phones. We’re waiting for the kindle phone, which most speculators agree will appear by 2013. Don’t believe me? Well, I’m not the only dork nerding out:

C-Net Speculation

PC World Article

Forbes, Expanding on the Speculation

No, the image above is NOT a leaked sample… it’s a photoshop fantasy from my tweaky, nerdy brain. But I can’t wait to see what really does emerge.

Kindle Format 8

2012-01-11T17:31:00.002-05:00

Amazon today announced Kindle Format 8. This may not sound important, but it is, particularly with the Fire becoming so widely popular.

At a glance, graphic novels and childrens' books would seem to be the primary beneficiaries of the new format. This is probably true. But don’t discount the benefits to your plain-old-novels, either. KF 8 will also have enhanced content and features for us!

Among them:

Better and more natural formatting, including justification that makes more sense on the page.
Embedded fonts.
Cascading Style Sheets (CSS), nested tables, the ability to scale vector graphics.

Ready to play? Download the updated KindleGen today: KindleGen for KF 8

You’re A Big, Mean Meanie!

2012-01-10T02:16:00.002-05:00

Lately Goodreads, twitter, facebook, and the interwebby tubies in general have exploded with review-a-palooza hysteria. It’s a kerfuffle, people—a throw-down. It’s…

You know what? It’s bullshit.

When are writers going to get it? Look, nobody has a bigger mouth than me. Nobody is quicker to throw the heck down over something that matters. But it seems to me an awful lot of people are missing their job description.

I was an actual critic—on the payroll and everything, at a few fancy-schmancy publications—for many years. I reviewed mostly films, but not exclusively. I had a radio show. I had a weekly column. I was known as THE MOVIE MUFFIN. No, I’m not embarrassed. Believe it or not, guys thought it was adorable… some of them liked my voice. Why, I remember this night back in--

Uh… sorry, where was I?

Reviews. Oh. Yeah.

Anyway—thing is, cats and kittens, I got hate mail from fans who disagreed. Once or twice I ran into a local actor and was either the grateful recipient of a drink, or the uncomfortable recipient of the stink-eye. In both cases I tried to be graceful. But these people were professionals. They understood that it wasn’t personal… and even if it had been, they would have understood that to be a reflection of the other person.

Nowadays I am writing from the other side of the spectrum, and it’s not easy to have my work criticized by strangers. I do read my reviews. If I see a trend—for example, if every other review said “why on earth does she keep bringing up purple underwear?” I might stop doing that. I have never brought up purple underwear (well, except for just now), but had I done so, you can see how taking a few notes might prove instructive. Not every negative comment is useful (people who are annoyed that a short story is short; those who bought a romance and thought it shouldn’t have had a love story in it… that sort of muck is muck… though it’s muck the reader is entitled to call mucky).

What I have not now and will NEVER do is criticize the reviewer. I find the very notion that it could be appropriate under ANY circumstances bizarre. Why? My time to speak was on the page. The reader took a chance on me. He or she is now in the driver’s seat. I sold a product. Creating it was the place for me to insert my voice.

The second my creative effort became the reader’s property, I lost control. This is the very reason writing and publishing is terrifying. It SHOULD be the reason we labor and sweat and wring our hands over getting it ABSOLUTELY AS GOOD AS WE CAN. Because the second that “download” button is pressed, the instant that cash/check/credit card is presented and verified—BOOM—it’s over for us, kids.

We have sold a product. We no longer control it. The product is what we have made it, and now the ownership gets to do with it what they will. It will always be my creation… but I have agreed to sell it, too.

NOW it’s time to shut up and believe in my work. And if a reader decides he or she hates it—that it was stupid and made no sense, or that it was badly done and did not deserve life—so be it. This recent (though not new, just re-invigorated) notion that an author should chime in, wrestle back the ownership, and bitch-slap the new owner for abusing his or her own property? Delusional. Unhealthy. Incredibly foolish. But worst of all?

UNPROFESSIONAL.

Is writing a hobby or a job? Are you an author or the literary equivalent of a scrap booker? Did you slap this thing together as a celebration of you, your cleverness, and how awesome you are? Leave it on your coffee table to be shared with relatives who would never dare grimace. Are you a damned WRITER? Are you willing to take the risk of sucking and taking the hit if you do? Are you adult enough to accept that some people just DON’T LIKE IT? (How many of your favorite books do some of the people you know dislike? It’s not a matter of black and white.)

The truth of the matter is, if you really have done your best work… if you really believe in it… you aren’t going to wig out when somebody is negative. You MAY be healthy enough to wonder if there is something there to learn. You MAY even be a bit hurt. But if your work is what you believe it is, the negatives will be far outweighed by positives. And the cold, hard fact of the matter is, you no longer have a damned thing to say about what others think.

I'm not saying it won't sting, but that's showbiz, kid. Reacting publicly?

No. Not your job anymore.

Old School

2012-01-07T00:51:00.003-05:00

Lately I have been on an old-school reading bender. This week I am falling in lust, once again, with the work of Ellen Kushner. Last month I re-read her Swords of Riverside books. I find myself lamenting a loss of this kind of richness in the newer titles I often have to force myself to finish. Kushner was one of the first authors I found completely, dazzlingly, achingly DIFFERENT. It was like discovering that Jane Austen wrote fantasy novels and nobody knew it. Or like Tolkien had a daughter and she followed in her father's footsteps. This week I am going to force myself to SLOWLY re-devour Thomas the Rhymer. In so doing I am suddenly aware of what I found familiar in Patrick Rothfuss' wonderful King Killer Chronicles. It had eluded me... aha! Here it is! Kushner also led me to authors like Sharon Green, Tanith Lee, Elizabeth Moon, and Sharon Shinn.

I loved fantasy, but in those days there was no amazon.com with all-the-books-in-the-world at hand. In fact there were only small places-- no Borders or BN. Men dominated the shelves. I remember that even the owners and cashiers at Royal books were hesitant to even discuss sci-fi or fantasy with a quiet, nerdy girl. When I asked about women writing in the genre I got shrugs. Andre Norton was "ok," but most of what fantasy lovers could find was written by and for men. But I did have the benefit of THE BOOK STALL, a USB I miss to this very day. You could bring in two paper shopping bags full of paperback novels and swap it for one. There was a basement full of older, more worn-out titles. I found an aged, worn, yellowing copy of Green's Far Side of Forever there, falling in love with Laciel and Inthig immediately. She, and Kushner, and later the recently departed (and much beloved) Anne McCaffery were cherished jewels discovered in the basement rubble.

And so, joyously discovering SO MANY of these titles are finding new, and much less likely-to-crumble life, on Kindle-- I'm going to kick it old school. I can't tell you how happy it makes me to use a new technology to preserve these cherished titles.

Publish or Perish in 2012

2012-01-02T15:02:00.001-05:00

As I entered 2011 I made a promise to myself to stop messing around. 2011 was my most productive year as both a writer and a language forensics specialist, though it may not be immediately obvious. 2012 is, to put it bluntly, going to be my bitch.

At the Christmas get together for my much beloved writing group, the unanimous decision was to push EVERY member of the group to publish in 2012. And the thing is… there’s no longer an excuse. With the explosion of direct publishing, no writer can languish in the endless circular battle of submission and rejection. While indie is not the way for all of us to go, and while it may not be the final word for each writer, it completely destroys the wall between writer and reader. So even those of us still targeting New York (I’d hazard to guess this is still the majority) have made a pact to put SOMETHING out. Short stories, novellas, collections, poetry… pick one. If you are a member of SSMAWriters, you’ve got a book coming out this year. The vote was unanimous.

I’m SO behind the idea that I’m challenging my non-SSMAW friends to join us. Crawl under your bed, dig out that manuscript nobody wanted, workshop the SHIT out of it, and publish the damned thing. Publish your angsty poetry. Publish your senior thesis on Dickens and Anti-Semitism. Publish the quirky collection of essays you still have from your stint as a college newspaper columnist. PUBLISH SOMETHING. If you are a writer, you have bins overflowing. If it wasn’t good enough make it good enough.

Keep submitting. Target your dream deal. But publish.

The gauntlet is at your feet.

Go Getcher Free On!

2011-12-29T13:01:00.001-05:00

FINALLY!!

My Boyfriend’s Back is free on Amazon.com. After a whirlwind ride in the UK, with my rank on the best-sellers list climbing to #2 in humor, #16 in fantasy/paranormal romance, #63 in all romance, and currently #77 in all categories, I’m THRILLED to see my US readers get their free download.

Currently #13 on the best-sellers in humor—thanks! Spread the word to freebie-indie-fun-loving friends!

FREE! CLICK HERE

My Willing Suspension of Disbelief is Suspended

2011-12-27T00:27:00.005-05:00

Well, it has finally happened. I, a huge fan of fantasy fiction, have been broken. My willing suspension of disbelief (with apologies to Coleridge) has been indefinitely suspended… can you believe it?

Saddest of all, it was a pair of former favorites who killed it… and neither are fantasy authors.

But I have to be honest, this is getting rampant. There is a epidemic of bad writing plaguing me like a rare avian flu transmitted by the saliva of the petit north american pug finch.

No… no… old stand-by authors are phoning it in and the line is fraught with static.

Survivors of century upon century of betrayal and torture—immortal warriors who have been trained to accept unimaginable pain—fall in love and learn to trust nearly immediately with absolutely no reason to do so. Sure. K. Oh, and no backstory? Right. Oh, and an abrupt, vague ending? Excellent.

Regency rake with a full stable lifts a woman carrying an infant onto his horse to share the ride back to her place rather than putting her on another mount, or—in a jarring moment of historical accuracy and, well, fucking LOGIC—a carriage-type device of some sort… and in spite of the biting December cold, their lack of familiarity, and—erm—an infant—becomes instantly aroused and defies gravity and physics with a saddleback triple-balancer erection. Seriously? Ringling Brothers would kill for that act.

Grey eyes with emerald highlights? I want to see the wallpaper in your guest bathroom. No, I’m not shitting you. Can I come by later? I’ll bring donuts.

An ancient god who has not walked the earth or had access to any electronic media using current American cultural slang, operating a laptop without being able to read modern language or having ever seen one? Sure. Same guy has a modern shower and all the best goodies in his private chamber just off the torture wing, where he is a slave? EXCELLENT! Hey, I know another writer who is inviting me over to see her guest bathroom… you two should hook up!

Last week I read a BEST SELLING author out of a NY publisher… who made direct reference to growing roses from rose seeds.

I give up. PRESS PLAY

Three Sleeper Hits for Tween Readers

2011-12-26T14:26:00.004-05:00

I'm asked a lot about titles for kids, since I've worked as a teacher as well as being a writer. Tweens seem to be the undiscovered country these days. I want to protect them from Twilight... but not mire them in endless pablum, either.

Here are three books I very rarely hear much about, though they are stellar reads for kids in middle grades. Frankly, I enjoy them as an adult, too.

Catherine, Called Birdy by Karen Cushman is a wonderful novel set in the year 1290. It is the diary accounting of a young girl who avoids the suitors her father picks for her by running them off with cleverness. Absolutely charming, this won The Newbury Honor. I rarely hear it mentioned, but recently finished it in one sitting with absolute delight.

If Susan Cooper has outdone this series (5 books total, also available as a collection) I haven't read it. Incredibly rich world building, and the novel has a grown up tone that respects young readers without losing them. Fantastic series-- this was my favorite title of the lot, but all of them are must-reads.

This is good vs. evil in the classic tradition, but don't be tricked into thinking it's run of the mill. Cooper is a master at taking and holding the attention, and these books are essentials for young fantasy fans.

Phillip Ardagh's Eddie Dickens books are incredibly British, incredibly hilarious, and... well, just incredible. Shortish for head-shy readers, this series will appeal particularly to boys who may dodge other books. How can you fail to fall in love with a book that opens with:

"When Eddie Dickens was eleven years old, both his parents caught some awful disease that made them turn yellow, go a bit crinkly around the edges, and smell of old hot water bottles."

Happy Christmas and THANK YOU, Amazon UK

2011-12-25T16:55:00.002-05:00

I would like to thank everyone in the UK for making My Boyfriend’s Back a best-seller (free download e-book) across the pond! This afternoon I was #89 in overall free ebooks and #18 in free romances!

UPDATE: At this posting I'm #3 in HUMOR on Amazon UK. HUZZAH!

Amazon US is lagging behind, but my little-novella-that-could has now gone free overseas and on several other outlets.

Download it FREE here:

Thanks SO VERY MUCH to all my readers in Ireland, England, and Scotland.

Twas the Night Before Christmas… at the Gallagher House

2011-12-20T17:20:00.009-05:00

As a little Christmas treat and at the request of Dee—so shut up, Dee—I am including this Christmas recitation from Joe Gallagher Sr, the father of Maggie Gallagher, heroine of CRY UNCLE. Yes, it’s a teaser.

As a Gallagher family tradition, Joe sits down with the kids every year and recites his version of TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, also known as A Visit from Saint Nicholas, usually attributed to Clement Clarke Moore. It changes each year and the degree of outrage fluctuates.

Here ya go… take it away, Joe.

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS AT THE GALLAGHER HOUSE

Twas the night before Christmas in the Gallagher house.
Not a critter was st--

Ok, look-- you little bastards need to sit the hell
down and shut up or I'm not reciting SHIT. Where was
I? What? Oh. Right.

Not a critter was doing shit, not even a mouse.
They had stockings hung up stuck with glitter and glue.
Just ready to be filled up by old you-know-who.
The rugrats were duct taped into their beds--
And if any of them peeked they knew we'd smack their heads.
I was in my sleeping sweats and Nana was in her mumu.
The house was stuffed with visitors, we had no more room-oo.

Like there was no room-oo for baby Jesus at the inn,
right? Right. So you little shits should be damned
grateful. When I was your age-- what? WHAT? Oh, all
right, where the hell was I?

When what did my eyes spy out in our yard
But a velvet-suit-wearing freaky old tub o lard!
No shit, with a sleigh and a mess of reindeer--
It was really too bad, hunting season was near,
One more week and hooo-eeee there'd be jingle hell to pay!

What? Oh for Chrissakes. I'm not promoting guns, you
crispy pain in the a-- OH ALL RIGHT!

Yeah... hell to pay... annnnnd...
Anyway, the deer were all fine with the bells and the sleigh.
Now I lost my place... Santa... Christmas... right.
The red-velvet tubbo was prowling the night.
You don't see a fat old man in red with white tassels
Unless he's in a gay bar getting some hassles--

OH FOR CHRISSAKES THE KIDS ARE FINE. It's a joke.
Jesus. You ruin everything. Come back here and sit down.
Tell your mother to stop wrecking Christmas. Now everybody
shut the hell up.

So yeah... he jumped to the chimney with all of his shit
But he'd let himself go and his ass wouldn't fit.
So me being a good guy, I yelled out to Kringle
"Would you knock that shit off, you'll loosen the shingles.
Get your ass off my roof and use the front door
For Chrissakes, you jackass, isn't that what it's for?"
And he climbed down with grunts and groans, and his big sack
And when he bent over I could see he had a big crack.
I think Santa, who-- it seems to me-- couldn't be dumber
Spends the other eleven months of the year as a plumber.

OH MOTHER OF GAWD-- they're fine. They're FINE. They
won't melt or need therapy, for Chrissakes, it's a
poem-- a damned traditional poem. Get away from me.
Tell your father you're fine and to get the hell away
from Grampa. For Chrissakes...

Right. Anyway, here was Santa the old red-nosed bastard
I think he'd been hitting the Christmas punch and was plastered
But I do not judge. Anyway, he was merry.
And joyful and shit. And some shit that rhymes with berry.
Anyway-- he wanted to know what you little shits wanted.
Poor Santa, his face was sad-- his eyes kinda haunted.
See-- Santa?-- he's working with ELVES, kids-- in a shop.
And the elf union called for a full-out work stop.
Santa's at the North Pole, not Japan for Chrissake.
He doesn't have the stuff that kids want him to make.
When Santa started out everyone wanted trains--
Or dolls... or blocks-- now everyone complains.
"I want an X box or an Ipoop or a gadget."
Elves can't make that shit-- and poor Santa has had it!
Ungrateful brats-- lemme tell you something, skippy--
You're breaking the heart of that old, fat elf-hippie.
He can't do it. He's an old man. He's got an elf issue.
And unions and shit you can't wrap up in tissue,
Or tie up with ribbons, or stick under the tree.
Little bastards these days want the whole world for free.
So I felt bad. Yeah, I felt Santa's pain, the old coot.
So I got him a beer and helped sort the loot.
Yeah, you know-- now I think about it, he really was lit.
He was staggering a little, the crispy old shit.
So he made for his sleigh-- blew the Gallagher joint.
He had a whole world of other brats to disappoint.
But I heard him exclaim as he flew round the bend-o
"Merry Christmas, you little assholes-- go play your Nintendo!"

Now go to bed.

Happy Holidaze

2011-12-17T12:30:00.001-05:00

I love tacky Christmas displays. No… you don’t understand… we’re talking LOVE. Thus it is that I share with you, gentle reader, the best of the best.

Enjoy…

Don’t join in these reindeer games… please!

At least he didn’t go down the chimney…

Just in case you can’t see us from way up there in that sleigh…

Redneck Advent Calendar…

And a crafty use of those empties! BEER TREE!!

Fahrvergnügen down at the mobile home… GO BAMA!

Have a Holiday Filled with LAUGHTER.

An End to the Truant Pen in 2012

2011-12-14T15:25:00.002-05:00

I was away for a few weeks, and I’m only sorta-back. Know what I discovered? Writers have gone nasty.

My return was marked by endless snark, shots fired across many a bow, and more amazon-is-evil, indies-have-no-talent-or-clue, NY-is-the-devil, and cetera.

Is this the best we can do? Jesus Christ on a Cracker, I hope not.

In general I don’t make New Year’s resolutions. In the past I have, trying to be funny, submitted a yearly list of demands. (I know… I’m adorable.) This year I am going to get resolute for a change. And I’m challenging all my friends who are writers to join me:

SHUT UP AND WRITE IN 2012

Waddaya say, friends? 2011 saw the rise of the direct publishing movement; it saw the death of Borders; it saw Nook-Kindle wars; and it saw the end of some friendships for me. Why? Because it became a daily rant from one writer or another about why publishing free books was either incredibly smart or incredibly stupid, but nobody was supposed to say so. We got passive-aggressive “here is why the opposing opinion is utter crap, but please understand, I don’t mean to say it’s crap.” We got “indies have no right to use the term indie, no offense, but they aren’t real indies, WE are the real indies, and everyone else is an asshole, but we’re going to use the term ‘misguided’ to avoid saying anything we actually think.” We got “I am an editor at X house and therefore know more than you, so here is why NY is not afraid of you at all, little direct publishing sillies, which is why we harp on how unimportant you are every fucking day, hahahaha, why would you think I’m nervous, you insignificant creature?” We got “NY publishing will be gone by 2012 and here are fourteen reasons; I should know, I sold a bajillion copies of the following book you’ve never heard of on Smashwords.”

We got full of ourselves, wrapped up in bullshit, and really off the goddamned track, katz n kittenz.

So my plan for 2012, once I heal from the latest surgery and get my galleys back from the formatter I (reluctantly) hired… is to SHUT THE HELL UP AND WRITE. Take it away, Sir Phillip.

But words came halting forth, wanting Invention’s stay;
Invention, Nature’s child, fled step-dame Study’s blows;
And others’ feet still seemed but strangers in my way.
Thus, great with child to speak, and helpless in my throes,
Biting my truant pen, beating myself for spite—
“Fool!” said my Muse to me “look in thy heart, and write!” --Sir Philip Sidney

Bailey’s Irish Cream NO BAKE Cheesecake

2011-12-13T19:31:00.001-05:00

My bestie Allie Kelly made this for us and OMG you have NO IDEA how marvelous!!!

NO BAKE—yep, I said it! And when I called she was kind enough to send me an email with the recipe so I could copy and paste. Crazy easy.

Bailey's Irish Cream Cheesecake
*Allie Kelly's recipe

small pat of butter for greasing pan
6 oz. box of chocolate wafer cookies
4 tablespoons butter, softened
8 oz. semi-sweet chocolate
8 oz. milk chocolate
3/4 cup powdered sugar
12 oz. cream cheese (1 1/2 cups, or 1 1/2 8 oz. packages)
1 3/4 cups heavy cream
3 or 4 tablespoons Irish cream liqueur

Line the bottom of an 8-inch spring form pan with parchment paper. Smear the sides and paper with butter.

Crush the wafers in a plastic bag. Empty into mixing bowl with butter; mix and press into the bottom of the pan. Chill for about an hour.

In a double boiler, melt chocolates til they are just smooth. Allow them to cool to warm/room temp, but be careful not to let the chocolate begin to get firm add the liqueur and mix it well through. Beat the sugar and cream cheese until smooth, set aside. Whip the heavy cream until peaks form. Fold together the cream cheese and whipped cream, then gently fold in the chocolate and liqueur mixture. Blend together well.

Spread the filling into the pan and smooth out the surface. Cover and refrigerate for at least 2 hours. Garnish with chocolate or any other decoration!

Windows 8 Beckons Like A Siren

2011-11-29T14:42:00.003-05:00

About 5 or 6 years ago we made the decision to get rid of all desktops and go to netbooks, laptops, and desktop-replacement notebooks. Some time in the next year we will need to replace at least a few of our larger computers, since they are much-loved, but getting outdated. I have a new netbook, an older one, and a dead one I keep meaning to resurrect. But we’re not rushing off to the stores this holiday season because all experts say Windows 8 will launch some time in mid-2012.

I hate updating older computers. I prefer to buy fresh when the new release comes out. I have to say—if Vista was a disappointment, and Windows 7 was an improvement that wasn’t ENOUGH improvement… 8 and 9 are singing me a siren’s song. I may be getting suckered, but 8 looks pretty impressive. Why?

The pre-release testing says boot time is BLAZING.
Windows Defender massively expanded to include Virus and anti-spyware.
The new interface is ideal for touch-screens.
128 bit versions (also for W 9).
The guys at Endgadget claim they got it to run on a Mac and a PC with 128mb of RAM.
The Tech Labs report a "Windows to Go" feature, allowing users to boot W8 from a USB device.

Like similar features on Linux based systems, this last feature of Windows 8 (called a Live USB) will also let users put programs, settings and files on the bootable.

“The feature is designed to work with both USB 2.0 and USB 3.0, and on both legacy NIOS and UDFI firmware. However, Microsoft says that a user will not be able to “Hibernate” with this feature." -- TechLabs.com

Windows 8

Sources:

PC Mag 1

PC Mag 2

Microsoft's Preview Page

Windows Tablet News

Endgadget Hacking the OS

It’s Sunday, So Let’s Pick On Direct Publishing

2011-11-27T15:35:00.002-05:00

Does anyone remember the Cassie Edwards dipshit-athon of not-really-long-ago? You know… that best selling racist idiot who has been objectifying indigenous people for an entire career, but was never called an asshat until everyone discovered she hadn’t just been writing godawful books… she’d been stealing her material.

I can’t make anything that stupid up. For those who missed it… well, I hope you were in a coma, because there really is no excuse. But here you go:

The SBTB Run-Down

What has this got to do with Direct Publishing? Well, since it’s Sunday somebody must be bitching about bad covers, inept editing, and poor quality in books. My issue is that everyone seems to pretend none of these existed before amazon and smashwords caught fire. This is bullshit. My other issue is that everyone seems to pretend that mistakes were rare in NY, and still are. This is also bullshit. And since it’s Sunday, everyone should mark their calendars, because at some point this week Oprah will be announcing another asshat plagiarized something she pimped. Probably by Wednesday or thereabouts.

Let’s just knock that shit off, shall we? I’ve been a 3 to 5 novel a week reader my entire reading life... or, at least since I began with novels in 3rd grade. Until about five years ago that was 100% paperback… and until two years ago it was entirely New York and the bigger online epubs (Samhain, almost entirely, unless I was buying a friend’s book). So I know what I’m talking about. I read a lot. I kept the big guys in postage stamps and paperclips.

I have not read a New York- big-name published book without finding an error… rarely only one. Covers have been the subject of ridicule for ages, and that was LONG before ANYONE was attempting to create his or her own.

This sudden snark directed at independently-or-direct-published authors is fine… but if we are pretending it is exclusive, we are spouting poop. Please—say no to verbal poop. It spreads germs.

While it may very well be true that a larger number of bad authors are putting out poorly written material via the smashwords grinder or amazon's KDP, they also fall to the bottom of the swamp nearly immediately. And they have the excuse of being people who deserve to be at that mushy marsh place. But the NY Times best sellers list is just as crammed with crap. Yes, it is. James Frey. So shut up. And Cassie... let's not forget Cassie!

Because guess what? That nasty old bag published 100 titles, and ripped off everything from a ferret researcher to The Song of Hiawatha to do it. (No, really, 100 books… and she had no repercussions other than a hissy fit and the pointing and laughing that ensued. Check the title list on Wikipedia: HERE.. Most of them have SAVAGE or something equally racist in the title.)

My point? These books sold millions. They were not just bad—they were racist, incredibly exploitive, and BAD in the baddest possible way bad can be freaking BAD. The covers were bad, the stories were bad, the prose was bad, and the stolen bits were massive slabs of bad info-dumpy badness.

She was published by several New York biggies—ALL New York biggies, in fact, and not a single editor caught her theft. Not a single publisher said “this crap is incredibly offensive.” Nobody twitched for many, many years.

She is not the first romance author or popular Oprah-pimped asshole to be caught. Nobody walks into Barnes and Noble and says “wow… AVON? Not sure about that. Weren’t they the jackasses who put an anorexic model on the Eloisa James book with the plus-sized heroine readers had been waiting to read for ages? Oh, and Signet? Didn’t they publish Cassie Edwards, who ripped off the entire universe and got away with it?”

Nobody says “I don’t know if I can trust New York publishers, what with James Frey and Kaavya Viswanathan and Q. R. Markham and Janet Dailey… and, and, and…” But they should.

I have no problem with ANY author being held to standards, as long as ALL authors are held to the same standards.

Give Hope

2011-11-21T12:14:00.001-05:00

The holidays are coming, and this year there are more families struggling with hunger than at any time since the Great Depression. We are hearing a lot about corporate greed, about excess, about need in the shadow of decadence. So if our nation really IS embarking on a new wave of intolerance toward gluttony, let’s mean it.

If you are cutting back yourself, how about digging through the cabinets to find some canned goods you don’t plan to use any time soon? Pick up a third box of Mac N Cheese and drop it in the food pantry box as you exit the shopping center. Turn in bottles and cans or cash in your coins and turn over the profit to your area shelter.

Don’t know where to start? Ample Harvest can point you toward a food pantry in your area.

Another site where you can even find free ways to “click” or “tweet” help is Feeding America. And check out Food to Donate.

Sometimes it’s easy. Even when it isn’t, we should try.

Happy Holidays!

Penguin, You’re A Dirty Bird

2011-11-18T12:43:00.002-05:00

Are you kidding me?

Just in case the ridiculous vitriol coming out of the publishing industry these days isn’t quite nasty enough, Penguin just took a big ole bird poop on its own reputation. This is embarrassing. This is absurd.

This is Book Country, where you can chitty-chat about books, share fiction with others, and for a mere $549, you can publish your own title!

I'm not making it up. Check me HERE.

No, really! And if you are daring enough to format it yourself by… say, running it through Epub Converter for free, or downloading the Open Office add-on that puts an actual MAKE-THIS-AN-EBOOK BUTTON right on your word processor, you can make a sweet deal for $299! And if you ONLY want an EBOOK it’s ONLY $99!

In one sense I feel as though any author who is foolish enough to do this math, google this process, and still fork over the cash deserves to be screwed. But this preys on the stupid. And it’s inelegant. It’s tacky. It exploits dumb writers. Isn’t pointing and laughing enough? Writers—good ones, bad ones, all of us—get enough bitch-slapping from critics, forums, and family members. Do we really need one of the NY Sacred Circle acting like this?

Others have weighed in:

David Gaughran

Joe Konrath

I dislike the whole “direct / indie vs. NY” thing that has emerged this past year. I’m happy to be independently published and publishing. I did not come to this place in my career because my work wasn’t offered other homes. I passed on two deals offered by epubs because I wanted print, and in both instances didn’t think the publishers who were kind enough to extend me an offer looked like places I’d be comfortable. I wanted control and speed. And time was a big factor. Every rejection I’ve had over the past five years has been incredibly encouraging and positive. There are good people out there who simply didn’t want my story for their agency or house.

But this? This is disgusting. This makes me sad. This really, really doesn’t help anyone or anything.

And Penguin should be very, very ashamed.

Gratitude On A Hard Day

2011-11-17T19:50:00.001-05:00

Halfway through November, I have fallen a wee bit behind on my NaNoWriMo goal, but it’s cool. Since my novel is probably going to be short of 50K I’m probably still on target.

This year has been good for my writing. I put out a novella at the beginning of 2011 and switched from a pen name to my own name. In May I made the decision, after a lot of reflection, to switch genres, focus, and direction. By June I had written the first draft of my debut novel, which I delayed releasing to get it JUST RIGHT (or just write, as it were). That decision proved to be a good one, since it plunged me back into an active participation with South Shore MA Fiction Writers. It also spawned a new, solid, structured process that works.

By early December (possibly sooner, NaNoWriMo gods willing) I’ll have finished the second Maggie Gallagher novel. My young adult trilogy, which has been languishing for years, will also be done soon. The current schedule will be a staggered release calendar of a book every three months between now and January of 2013… alternating between adult books (the Maggie Gallagher Mystery titles) and young adult fantasy (my Echo the Minstrel series).

What is different about 2011? I actually did the things I’d planned to do. I put out a novella exactly when I planned. I finished a novel in a new genre and it will be out soon. I’ve nearly finished book two, and releasing it should be no problemo.

I’ve also realized that I owe a great deal of thanks to good friends. The 35 members of SSMAW have been amazing… and being able to offer my own cheering section, beta-reading, and anything else I’ve got in my arsenal to these amazing men and women has been incredibly rewarding. Every success they achieved drove me harder. Every accolade they were awarded made me proud. And each goal I crossed off my list was as much their accomplishment as my own.

I’ve also learned, when I was sick or had mad scheduling issues… or just had life jump up and down on me as it tends to do… my non-writing friends were just as supportive. I was struck by this today, in a moment of amazing grace and clarity, as I made the fourth trip to Jordan Hospital in Plymouth in 24 hours to take care of my mom. Things are often a struggle for me because of my own health. I do have more on my plate. And I guess I am asked more often than most “how do you do it?”

Ahmed. Roxy. Petie. Timmy. Allie. Aemon. Damiano. Gayle. Bill. Dennis. Angie. Dee.

And Ahmed. Yeah, I know, I mentioned him twice. He’s that good.

I am incredibly lucky. On good days it’s easy to remember how lucky. But it’s too easy to forget on the tough days. I don’t want to be the kind of woman who forgets on the tough days. So as this long, rainy, tiring day comes to a close, I am still grateful. I hope I remember to remain grateful. Because the people in my life who make it bearable also make it joyous, funny, and worth the long days.

In the words of Mr. Dickens, “God bless you, every one.”

Occupy Amazon! Help Me Make It FREE!

2011-11-14T09:31:00.001-05:00

Yesterday My Boyfriend’s Back went FREE on Smashwords. If you’d like to download it, you can get it HERE.

Amazon does price-matching, but the novella is still .99 on their site. WHAT??? Facists!!

Only, nope… they just haven’t gotten the info that somebody else has it free so that they can price-match it.

Here’s what YOU, concerned citizen, who is mad as hell and not going to take it any more! Revolt! Take charge! HABO!

Go to amazon’s page for My Boyfriend’s Back, here:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004NIFNM0

Underneath the blurb, in the product description, you’ll see a link that says “tell us about a lower price.” Click that link, and you’ll get a pop-up box into which you can report the price as “0.00” and the link for that price in the address. Here’s the link to paste in:

http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/104729

Stop corporate greed, books costing stuff, and non-free-ification NOW! You can make a difference, dude!

POWER TO THE PEOPLE!!!! (Also thanks.)

Bailey's Irish Cream Fudge

2011-11-10T15:06:00.002-05:00

At the request of my dear friend, Lisa.

CHRISSY'S FAMOUS IRISH CREAM FUDGE

3 (12 oz.) pkg. semisweet chocolate chips
2 jars marshmallow Fluff, 7 oz. EACH
2 t. vanilla
2/3 c. Bailey's Irish Cream
2 c. chopped nuts -- optional
Set aside.

Butter a 10x15 pan.

In a saucepan, combine:
4 1/2 c. sugar
1 (12 oz.) can evaporated milk
1/2 lb. (2 sticks) butter

Bring to a boil over medium heat. Cook slowly, stirring constantly for 11 minutes.
Pour milk mixture over the chocolate chip mixture. Stir slowly BY HAND to blend.

Pour into prepared pan. Chill until set.

Night, and Her Train of Plot Bunnies...

2011-11-09T12:13:00.002-05:00

In a completely desperate move, I knocked myself out with sleeping pills last night. I hate them, so the scrip usually expires before I use them all. But in my drug-induced sleep, I had one of those really weird dreams that's part memory, and woke up remembering this novella I'd written on a retreat weekend back in my college days. My memory is vague on the process. I believe I tapped out most of it on an Alphasmart under a flowering chestnut tree in Scotland... but it would have been around 1992-1994, so that seems unlikely.

Crawling out of bed, I took a wild shot.

I'll be damned.

Crammed between some old term papers I refuse to throw away was a red folder with a label too worn to read. Opening it, I found the story I'd dreamed about. The title is ESCAPING HOME. I had no memory of it prior to the dream last night, and only a sketchy memory of it even as I opened the folder. Basically I knew it was a young adult novella about an abused girl who leaves home, lives on her own, but is forced from one place to the next through a series of tragedies. The only constant in her life is a desire to escape poverty and cruelty and to somehow attain an education.

But there it was... complete an nearly pristine inside a ratty red folder. Since I am trying very hard to get back on track with NaNoWriMo I have no time to give this story. Still... it has earned some love. So next year, when I get a small gap, I'll be paying some sucker to type it into a word file, and will give it a home via CreateSpace. Survivors should always stick together.

P.S. Art nerds got the title. :)

Just for Shits and Giggles...

2011-11-08T14:32:00.001-05:00

Just for fun, and because I am having fun editing, I am sharing this snippet from CRY UNCLE...

It made my beta-team laugh.

Here ya go!

From CRY UNCLE by Chrissy Olinger

     The sound of mad giggling, frantic footfalls, and something hissing drew my eyes from the newspaper. Glancing up, I saw my two year old nephew, Colum, careening past wearing nothing but sparkling eyes and a wild grin. No-- strike that-- and a thumb-sized turd wedged firmly between his dimpled ass cheeks. Ok, "wearing" may not be the correct word. Behind him, closing fast, was my brother. He zoned in on his son wearing a hooded sweatshirt pulled up over his nose. His hands were adorned with bright yellow cleaning gloves, and he was spraying disinfectant room freshener in wide, generous sweeps, like a mosquito fogger in July. A muttered curse escaped the confines of his hoodie. Colum banked off mom's hutch, set the china rattling, and headed for the doors to the terrace.
      Jackie grabbed him on the fly. It was an amazing feat of reflexes and speed, but had not so much as a drop of dignity clinging to any part of it. And-- oh, dear-- speaking of clinging.
     Jackie tucked Colum under one arm and stared at the hardwood floors, tossing the disinfectant to one side with a defeated groan. Collum gave a heroic kick, but his dad held on. The offending turd had escaped.
      My feet tucked up underneath me on the couch of their own accord. Jackie glanced up, wriggling his chin against the hoodie fabric to release his mouth from its makeshift mask. “Nobody will be eating fudge around here for a good while, anyway."
     Yeah. I can't unsee that.

NaNoWriMo Slooow

2011-11-06T17:09:00.002-05:00

After going great guns at the start of NaNoWriMo, I've slowed down a weenie bit. Yesterday I took the day off. Friday I did squeeze a little bit of writing in, but that was before I had a doctor's appointment.

The results are pictured here. Once again, PF has conspired against me, and I have a very itchy line in my carotid artery. They promised me only a week of shoving meds-- literally-- down my tube.

I WILL MAKE MY WORDCOUNT TODAY... but I'll do it late, and I'll do it sloooowly.

Like the clocks on Daylight Savings, I fall back, but also spring foward! I get knocked down... but I get up again...

I’m Excited!

2011-11-03T12:37:00.001-04:00

OK… ok, yeah… it’s getting exciting. I just got my promo cards ordered from the fabulously cheapo and yet reliably neato VISTAPRINT. I was at a signing where the author used them for ebook readers who wanted a signed cover. Anyone who came with a reader that had her book on it got one, with a message and signature, just like the paper-book owners.

Plus they are incredibly cool to give out.

Here are my postcards, front and back design (the images are the same as the front and back book covers, with slight tweaking to the back to keep it from being too busy).

FRONT

BACK

NaNoWriMo

2011-10-31T13:40:00.001-04:00

I’ve always been aware of, and interested in, the concept behind NaNoWriMo. For non-writerly people, National Novel Writers Month is a push for participants to complete a novel—the pre-set goal being 50,000 words—in a month.

I love the push, the camaraderie, the excitement. But I’ve never “signed up,” so to speak. I was always a fringe participant.

This year my promotional agency has created a schedule for me in 2011, 2012, and into early 2013. I am expected to put out six books—3 each in both an adult mystery and a young adult fantasy series. This will be good for me, and I’m incredibly excited about it. Maggie, my mystery heroine, and Echo, my fantasy minstrel heroine, are going to be really busy.

And so am I! I’ve always written quickly, but my worst habit is probably getting wrapped up in “fixing,” which often results in manuscripts landing under the bed or lagging in semi-completion while I fuss. With the NaNoWriMo hounds at my heels, and the promotional gremlins growling at the door, I’ll be forced to do better.

Let us all invoke, draw upon, and celebrate Captain Mal’s Wisdom… yea, verily, the mighty Joss Whedon shall guide us!

goodkindles is good stuff!

2011-10-26T14:37:00.002-04:00

Have you discovered Good Kindles? It’s a dynamite new blog where you can find wonderful recommendations for your kindle.

Among the fabulous reads you will even find… drumroll… My Boyfriend’s Back by yours truly!

Check them out!

GOOD KINDLES

The Apocalypse Is Not Nigh

2011-10-25T14:15:00.003-04:00

In spite of rather rigorous predictions to the contrary, the Apocalypse is not, in fact, nigh.

We’re fine. Yet some significant signs and omens have been afoot, not the least of which is my ultimate conversion from physical books.

Books made of paper, you know. They used to do that in ancient times.

But seriously, folks…

I was among the last to convert to ebooking and was among the most ardent protesters. I’d owned several readers, including a Slick, a Sony PRS, and the occasional borrowing of Ahmed’s Nook. I never liked reading on any of them. Then I got my Kindle and began buying more ebooks than print books. Within six months it was rare for me to purchase a paper book. At this point my physical book purchases are strictly “for my home library” sales.

Which is fine. I like having rows of colorful spines lined up along my built-in book shelves. I still prefer to use strictly-hardcover or heavy trade copies of research volumes. Flipping around and using a good index can’t seem to translate itself to digital for me.

But last weekend I was lonely for an old favorite. I wanted to re-read one of my all-time most-beloved re-reads. I realized I did not have that particular trilogy in digital. The large, soft-bound release of all three books together is ungainly, though I love having it in the house. I looked at that version on amazon.com.

Hmmm. Each novel was $7.99; the bundled trilogy was not yet available for Kindle.

Dammit. So I began re-reading the large, floppy, weighty compilation. I was willing to deal with the awkwardness. It was fine. Only about 1/4 of the way into the first book I found myself encountering a word in Italian and reaching for the translation via my cursor… oops, this is the paper copy. As the evening wore on and I needed bathroom breaks I realized I had to mark my place with a book mark. No big deal. Then I found myself tipping the actual, physical, paper book to find the little switch so I could slide it and shut down.

I’ve been re-trained. It’s all over but the crying.

Lovingly, reverently, I replaced that much-adored volume to its place on my shelf, the author’s name and pretty graphics along the spine looking over my shoulder from the lines of favorites by my bed…

…and got online to download the individual titles from amazon so I could read in peace. Best $23.97 I’ve ever spent!

Indie or Self or… what? A DIRECT Answer:

2011-10-19T15:16:00.001-04:00

I’m not self published. I don’t reject the term because I am part of the paranoid fringe. I reject it because it has nothing to do with my process, my agreements, or what I do.

At one point I did use the terms “independent” or “indie” often. I’m not married to the phrase, but it pisses off ALL THE RIGHT PEOPLE. The term was, for a long time, used by small presses. Independently owned, one might say. But for the author, it never made sense (to me, at least). You aren’t doing this independently, you are with a publisher that calls itself independent. Even that seems, to me, a stretch— how many people working on a book at one time can count as “independent?”

But self-publishing? I don’t do it myself. I’m selling through amazon, BN, Smashwords, or another open submission site. I may format it, edit it, and write it—or sub-contract parts of the process out—but I damn sure don’t run the site or do the grunt work once it’s done.

Last week a group of writers who are largely New York pubbed—my local writer’s group, which is lucky to have a larger distinguished list than most—chitty chatted the topic. Many of the members who are signed with the big names are also doing some sel—err—indi--- err… publishing-by-themselves-through-just-as-big-means on the side. We came to an agreement, within the group, to use the term DIRECT PUBLISHED.

Direct published. Hmm. You know what? I really like that. It says what I want: I cut out the middle man, did the book on my own, and asked this big website/store/outlet to release it to the public. I went directly from my manuscript to the customer source without passing GO, collecting $200 (at least until some stuff starts selling), and avoided the Minotaur’s maze.

Direct Publishing… yeah… I dig that. I’m sort of a direct kind of gal.

OOPS… Snippet Sunday Monday

2011-10-17T13:03:00.002-04:00

Oops. I apologize to the Snippet Crew. I was supposed to do a Snippet Sunday post yesterday and utterly forgot, which is really NOT like me.

Mea culpa, and I do beg everyone’s pardon.

So here you go…

From CRY UNCLE, by Chrissy Olinger:

We stopped sticking up for Emily around the time she got boobs. She was a slut. At a certain point you don't want people to know your cousin is the slut with a beer hidden in her mitten at the hockey game. You don't want people walking up to you at a bonfire with the charming little tidbit that they'd banged your fifteen year old cousin in exchange for a bottle of Jack Daniels.

But my brothers could be described as mean... yet not as bullies. Jackie could be positively cruel, but it was an equal opportunity wedgie-and-butt-cheek-taping system. Nobody was immune. Actually, he was immune... to the knowledge that taping the ass-cheeks of a two-hundred-and-forty pound tackle together with duct tape was not the same experience for the tapee if he's a hundred-and-twenty pound locker room nerd. It was one of the genealogical hazards of being a Gallagher. You may not be ten feet tall, but you were bullet proof. You never worried about being safe in Crow Point if you were a Gallagher. You might get a wedgie, but you'd also get revenge, and nobody would really hurt you. Payback was too terrifying for those who trifled with the Gallaghers.

Gazing at my brothers, piled in a squirming mass of noogie-driving testosterone on the sloping green lawn of my parents' home, I realized with a disturbing clarity how much a part of my confidence I owed to these idiots. Was that a comfort or a curse? Maybe both.

No $hit, Sherlock…

2011-10-15T23:52:00.002-04:00

Aspen Mountain Press is a gigantic, gaping craphole. This is no surprise. Authors got screwed. This is unfortunate, but no surprise. Laws were broken. This is an outrage, but no surprise.

What still blows me away is that nobody seems to have the dazzling and magical ability to see it coming. I’ll give you a super-duper tip:

CHECK THE AUTHOR LIST BEFORE YOU EVEN BOTHER TO SUBMIT.

The majority of the list over at AMP means nothing to me, but several names do jump right off the page. I’ve never read their books, but I’ve read their absolutely insufferable forum/blog postings. They lurk all over places like Absolute Write (no link, sorry, I wouldn’t point anyone to that place) condescending to newbies. Many are ops or mods or whatever you want to call an asshole with super powers, endowed by virtue of… well, you tell me.

I’ve never purchased an AMP book, and many, many authors there never saw their books published. I’m sure many are wonderful writers. I wish them all the best. But seriously, I just looked at the list again, and I’m seeing the same half dozen know-it-alls who seem to somehow, in spite of knowing it all, always appear right in the middle of every bitch-slap-a-palooza over a crap publisher screwing authors. How, oh how, do these poor bastards—endowed with super powers, mind you—ALWAYS end up victims of crap publishers?

Ironically, over at Absolute Wrong, if you read the thread (to which many of the brand-spanking-new accusers point), you will note at least one mod, at the opening salvo of the AMP inquiry thread, noting they have signed with AMP and know of no issues. You will note other know-it-alls chiming in with “so far so good” assurances.

I’m clearly no expert, since I have no shiny hat, and have been endowed with nothing empowering me with the super-ability of pedantic bullshit… but I’d just avoid anything with which those idiots associate.

Now gimme my tights and cape.

I Shall Stalk Midnight…

2011-10-10T22:55:00.005-04:00

Oh yeah… I’ll be up at midnight tonight. I really need the sleep, but my devotion is beyond absolute. My devotion would be an illness if it weren’t for the glory of fangirldom in its highest, purest, most sacred form. This isn’t just about book love. THIS IS PRATCHETT.

October 11th is the release date for SNUFF,Terry Pratchett's newest book. It's not JUST a Discworld book. It's not just the 39th Discworld book (if we include Tiffany Aching, and I don't think I'd even consider crossing her, so let's do). It's Sam Vimes... it's Lady Sybill on holiday... it's something terribly close to religion.

So I will be dorkily hovering over amazon’s REFRESH at midnight. I could pre-order it to be sent to my Kindle, but they never arrive until after they’ve begun selling, and I absolutely MUST have this book the instant it is live for purchase.

Don’t expect to see much of me tomorrow. I’ll be reading. And sighing. And laughing out loud. And hoping Mr. Pratchett has a number 40, and 41, and many more left for his faithful.

Website Overhaul

2011-10-04T18:52:00.002-04:00

Because my publication schedule has changed, and because exciting new developments are at hand, and because I have new material, and because I felt some of my promotional material was better suited to a wider array of imagery, and because I simply LOVE run-on sentences, I changed my website.

New look, new content, some old favorites, and cetera.

Enjoy! chrissyolinger.com

Imposing Judgment vs. Judgment Calls

2011-10-02T16:09:00.001-04:00

I know a woman who has recently divorced her husband, and I really can’t blame her. Never liked the guy. Never liked the way he treated her or her kids. Never thought it was a healthy relationship, and for me, it would not have even been tolerable.

I’ve run into “Cindy” a few times since the divorce was finalized. She’s having a good time. No, really… a really good time.

I know we like the phrase “don’t judge.” But I have been thinking about it a lot lately, and the phrase is far too simple to encompass any normal relationship in this world. We judge. We can’t stop the reactions we have, and would not want to navigate this life without our impressions. I want to look at a person and have instincts, assessments, and… yes… the staggering gift of my character judgment. It has never betrayed me. It has taught me a great deal, often by my own betrayal of IT.

So when I see “Cindy,” a mother of three, out drinking herself stupid, dressed like she’s still in college, and using far more sexually suggestive language than she did during her marriage, I have a reaction. Sorry, but it isn’t a positive one.

Does this mean I stopped liking “Cindy?” No. Does it mean I think less of her? Not yet. But there is a difference between judging her and making a judgment call.

JUDGING HER: “Cindy” has become a lush and a bit of a tart and is no longer worthy of my friendship. She should be spanked for being a bad girl, and shunned.

MAKING A JUDGMENT CALL: I’ve noticed that recently, “Cindy” has bee celebrating the end of her bad marriage by acting like a lush and a bit of a tart. I hope she gets past it soon. I wonder if I can be a good friend to her in the mean time? (Note to self: I also hope she doesn’t become this person for good… but I have a bad feeling about this.)

Discussions of “fair” and “book covers” are all well and good. But the truth of the matter is, the world is watching you. People can refrain from reacting negatively to your behavior, but they DO react, even when they are reciting platitudes about books, covers, and stone-throwing.

Just because I note the behavior, react to it, and reserve the right to keep my benefits of doubt close at hand does not mean I am a stone-thrower… nor does any one person’s right to behave as they wish mean the behavior is wise.

Take it as you wish… it’s your call.

Cry Uncle Book Trailer

2011-09-30T15:43:00.001-04:00

I’m excited to share the book trailer for CRY UNCLE, which will be shipping, and become available for download this Christmas!

If that's not cool enough, I'm also going to be giving away a KINDLE FIRE and a $79 Kindle at my book launch and signing. Stay tuned for dates, times, and other info. The contest to win both of the newest Kindles will require no purchase, so you'll want to enter!

Amazon Pins it Over the Monster

2011-09-28T13:57:00.004-04:00

I’m pretty stoked.

When I finished CRY UNCLE and began to prepare to publish, I made a decision to move slowly. In July I entered a wonderful relationship with All Knight Promotions, along with a few other authors. I delayed publication to launch later, so that CRY UNCLE would come out as the first new Amazon devices were shipping.

Basically, I hitched my star to the Christmas sales.

For months there have been rumors about the new Amazon touch device. Early “leaks” from techno pundits claimed it would be similar to the NOOK, but operate with a custom system, and would retail for $249.

Talk about low-balling it. Amazon didn’t hit a home run with this morning’s press conference. They pinned a grand slam over the Big Green Monster.

Behold! The Kindle Fire, which will rival the Nook (and, possibly, the iPad), will retail for $199. Before we could even catch our collective breaths, three undisclosed (and un-predicted) models of the more traditional Kindle, with its much-beloved e-ink screen, were unveiled. And the prices make ebooks accessible to pretty much anyone. How can you argue with $79 for an e-ink device from amazon?

For ultra-nerds and tablet geeks, the FIRE is impressive: 7-inch rich-color display with 1024-pixel by 600-pixel resolution, plus a dual-core processor, 8GB of storage and 7.5 hours of video playback. With Amazon’s new relationship with FOX, this bodes well for video streaming. The Fire has a USB port for file transfers, but no cameras and no microphone. The tablet measures 7.5-by-4.7-by-0.45 inches, and weighs 14.6 ounces… incredibly light. The screen has a special “destruction-proof” surface, making it incredibly portable and durable.

The Fire will run on a browser called "Amazon Silk," which will work in sync with Amazon's cloud services It will come with a built-in email app.

But just when we thought loyal Kindlers were going to be disgruntled over the “Nookification” of Amazon, we get the big finish. With the new "EasyReach" system comes several new Kindles, all of them very familiar, with knock-out new touchy goodness! The Kindle Touch, a screen nearly identical to our current Kindles, works with a short horizontal strip along the top of the screen, which users tap to call up the menu.

The Kindle Touch will cost $99 with”special offers,” $139 without them. A 3G model will be available for $149.

But for me, perhaps the most exciting announcement is the one getting the least attention. The new non-touch Kindle with "special offers" comes with no keyboard, and retails for ONLY $79. It works with a small set of buttons on the bottom, with side navs for page turns. Amazon says this model is 30 percent lighter than previous Kindles. A model without special offers will retail for $109. Both of these versions ship today. Why is this so exciting for me? It makes ebooks accessible to nearly everyone. And with the price of ebooks getting more competitive every day? It can place books in the hands of people who would otherwise be unable to build a library. Think about it... for under $80 bucks, a family can have an entire library of thousands of classics available for free via Amazon. And with library lending, even current best sellers are there for free to borrow.

Amazon's current welcome page makes some pretty cheesy claims about wanting to offer customers more for less. Whether they are just smart about marketing, or really do mean it, they are DELIVERING on that promise. If they make millions in a godawful economy, I'm cool with that. It means more money for writers. It may mean more jobs. It may just mean more people with bills to pay can afford a cutting edge device that will expose them to books... millions and millions of books... at a price they can afford without re-mortgaging the house.

What could POSSIBLY be bad about that?

PF Awareness Week

2011-09-21T15:16:00.001-04:00

You may never have heard of pulmonary fibrosis, but we’d like to see that change. PF is a disease that has no approved treatment, no cure, and is fatal. It generally takes life within 5 to 7 years of the diagnosis, and while there are some drugs being administered to victims, none are life-saving. The best doctors can do is prolong life, not save it.

I have PF, and statistically, I am dead. Because I have never smoked, never drank, used my lungs in ways that strengthened them in my youth (swimming, singing, being active), I am still alive. I have participated in several studies. I am on the lung transplant list, but am considered high risk. My heart has taken a great deal of damage in keeping me alive with lungs deteriorating inside me. Eventually, if no break-through comes, I will choke to death as my lungs die.

We are about the same in number as breast cancer in diagnosis. On average, five people per hour die of PF.

This past summer I began to see the disease gaining serious ground, and I know that my time will begin to be more perilously shortened in the coming months, maybe years (if I am lucky). I rely on oxygen more often. I have issues with related health crises. I’m slowing down.

Every day is a gift, but spreading the word can help others who have more time. As research gains ground, it may even save a few of us on the back end of PF. I ask, during this week dedicated to spreading the word, not for donations, pity, or exertion on our behalf. I ask simply that everyone become aware. We’re out here, counting each breath, looking for hope. Should you become inspired enough to contact a politician in your area, or to join a fund-raising effort, that would be a blessing, too.

And prayers… well, those are always welcome.

Thank you, Representative Paulsen!

Behold The Chip of Tourin!

2011-09-03T15:16:00.001-04:00

It’s not every day that a miracle finds us. But today is Saturday, September 3rd, and a miracle hath foundeth me.

From the crumby depths of a bag of potato chips, the Lord hath spoken!

Behold the Chip of Tourin—not to be confused with the Shroud of Tourin, which is safely stored in Tourin, Italy. This potato chip, which CLEARLY SHOWS THE FACE OF JESUS, was discovered in my bag of UTZ, on my bed, in my humble Green Harbor home.

For those who don’t know what the Shroud of Tourin looks like…

ACTUAL PHOTO OF THE UPPER PART OF THE ACTUAL SHROUD OF TOURIN, WHICH IS IN NO WAY MADE OF POTATO PRODUCTS. --->

Below, in contrast, is the Chip of Tourin. You can clearly see the Savior, right there in the middle of the tear-drop-shaped, crinkle cut, fried spud.

I am praying on the proper way to honor The Chip. Tonight I will review the user agreement on eBay, and will possibly sell The Chip so that I may buy my father a boat… err, so that he can become a Fisher of Men (and also striped bass).

It is also possible that I will be scraping a few crumbs into the manky waters of Flaherty’s Pond, behind Our Lady of the Assumption, and charging a modest fee for Healing of the Waters. Get Ye Dipped in Chip Glory! Gotta check in with Father Ballard on that one.

Anyway, spread the Good News that all shall Rejoice! The Chip Has Risen and was Spared the Smiting of the Dip!

Focus Writer Free Software

2011-08-24T16:16:00.001-04:00

New software alert for writers who struggle with distractions… Focus Writer is a free program with a dynamite, simple interface. It comes zipped, and can be loaded to a usb drive to use on the fly.

A screen shot, reduced in size:

What you see above is what you get—the colors are customizable. I like purple, obviously, but you select the background you want… even an image. The idea is that all you see is the text in front of you unless you move your mouse UP or DOWN. Your Windows desktop and taskbar are also obscured unless otherwise configured.

Move the mouse UP and you’ll get a taskbar like this:

The taskbar is also customizable. I recommend the MINIMIZER, since it allows you to get back to your desktop quickly and doesn’t tempt pauses, since it’s not visible unless you go looking for it. The menu vanishes the minute you move your mouse away. Better yet, the footer bar, which also auto-hides, keeps track of your stats, and these are all customizable, as well—work toward a daily goal of words, characters, pages, etc.; set your own time allotted, etc.

This info, including the file name, appears on the left.

The percentage of your daily goal, which you set, appears in the center of the footer bar.

The far end of your footer bar will show the time. The minute you move your mouse away, it vanishes, just as the top menu does.

So what is the benefit? I was curious, too. I started a brand new file on a short story and gave myself a daily goal of one hour, 1500 words. With the screen completely “purpled out,” nothing but the white space and my text in front of me, I banged out an RTF file that was formatted, ready to copy and paste or simply re-open, that exceeded my goal significantly. 1,872 words in an hour... and I was playing, not trying. Another lovely feature—spell check on the fly and this program automatically uses proper quotes in dialogue.

Users can elect to have old-fashioned typing noises (which I found weirdly neat as white noise) and customize the experience in a ton of other ways.

Super sleek, portable, and FREE… this is my new first draft stand-by.

Get it HERE for free!

http://www.snapfiles.com/get/focuswriter.html

Look What I’m Getting!!!!!!!

2011-08-17T15:15:00.001-04:00

I love my man! I love my man! I love my man! I love my man!

As a reward for finishing Cry Uncle, which is coming out this fall with all kinds of special, additional, exciting caveats, contests, and cool shit, Ahmed is getting me THIS:

Be impressed… seriously… this thing is 100% custom. Intrigued and burning with envy? You can get one, too:

DataMancer-- http://www.datamancer.net/laptop-preorders.htm

DROOOOOOOOLLLY MCDROOOOLAGE!!!

Snippet Sunday… Don’t Try This At Home

2011-08-14T15:23:00.002-04:00

As part of our ongoing Snippet Sunday indie dork-fest, I am sharing a bit of Cry Uncle in which Maggie, our heroine, disables her boss, Leo, by putting three drops of Visine into his beer.

DISCLAIMER: don’t try it. Yes, it does make the person sick as hell. No, you can’t be sure it won’t kill him or her.

From CRY UNCLE, by Chrissy Olinger:

     I hated doing it. Leo was such a good guy, and he didn't deserve what he was experiencing. Contrary to urban legend, three drops of Visine in a beer do not necessarily cause dangerous dysentery. But it can, if the nausea is bad enough. And let's face it, the chili at Ruby's is bad enough to do some serious damage without help.
     "Ohmygawd there's bad stuff coming out of every part of me." His voice was somewhere between a primal death-moan and a broken prayer.
     "I'm leaving some cold water and a bucket for you, Leo. I'm really sorry you're feeling so awful."
     "Goway. Please. Don't stay here. Ohmy--" nothing human should make that sound. Leo's dank, dark curls clung to his head as he retched into the wastebasket.
     "Jesus." Maybe he needed an ambulance. "Do you want to go to the ER?"
     "I want to find the sonofabitch who made that chili and kill him with razors, sand fleas, and a blow torch." Leo's milk-chocolate eyes were rimmed in a fiery red. His olive skin was dialysis yellow. What had I done?
     "I'm going to check back in with you in a few hours."
     "I'll be dead then."
     "It's just food poisoning, right? You said so yourself."
     "I'm dying. I hope I go fast. Oh, shit--" somehow he lunged from the bed, took three steps to the bathroom, and slammed the door. He wasn't retching this time. In fact, when he'd said "oh shit," he'd meant business.
     I ran like the coward I was. Guilt is an amazing motivator. I wanted Leo incapacitated for a few hours. Leave it to my dumbass brothers to come up with a plan that simulated food poisoning. The effects of my eye-drop boilermaker were audible, even through the door of Leo's room, as I sprinted for the dinged up rental out front. Glancing across the harbor at the steeple of Holy Family, I offered a silent prayer that I hadn't accidentally killed my boss.

Help Me Plan Ahead… Cover Pick!

2011-08-12T15:44:00.001-04:00

In November I am bundling my first release under my own name—the fun novella, My Boyfriend’s Back—with three other shorts of similar theme and length. The stories are already written, and seemed to work with the holiday/romance/comedy tone of MBB. The first takes place at Thanksgiving, the second at Christmas, the third at New Year’s, and for those who don’t know MBB—it wraps up the collection with Valentine’s Day.

I’ll release each short story as the months pass, then bundle them as one, discounted collection in February 2012. All focus on true love, fate, and fun. There is no explicit content, but they are very sexy in tone.

Help me pick the cover!

STROKE MEH!

2011-08-05T12:54:00.001-04:00

Fun fact to know and tell… according to the National Stroke Association, I’m normal.

*Snicker* … somebody ain’t checkin’ they memoz.

But seriously, folks…

One of the unfortunate murky-linings of having PF and a cancer history is susceptibility to strokes. I’ve had a few minor ones, and this week got zapped with another. So far the damage appears to be minor, but one of the things I learned was how stealthy the damage can be. Among the sneaky little gremlins? I may find myself “ignoring” or “missing” things on my left side.

Stand on the left, won’t you, buttheads of the world?

In all seriousness, while sitting around in-between appointments, the nice people at Mount Auburn Hospital in Cambridge directed me to this site: National Stroke Association's Effects Page. On that site I read up on my most recent stroke-age:

A stroke in the right hemisphere often causes paralysis in the left side of the body. This is known as left hemiplegia. Survivors of right-hemisphere strokes may also have problems with their spatial and perceptual abilities. This may cause them to misjudge distances (leading to a fall) or be unable to guide their hands to pick up an object, button a shirt or tie their shoes. They may even be unable to tell right-side up from upside-down when trying to read.
Along with their impaired ability to judge spatial relationships, survivors of right-hemisphere strokes often have judgment difficulties that show up in their behavioral styles. These patients often develop an impulsive style unaware of their impairments and certain of their ability to perform the same tasks as before the stroke. This behavioral style can be extremely dangerous. It may lead the left hemiplegic stroke survivor to try to walk without aid. Or it may lead the survivor with spatial and perceptual impairments to try to drive a car.

So far the damage I have seems NOT to have mucked up my driving… but I drive in Massachusetts, so it’s hard to tell. Short term memory seems fine… but I have always had excellent long-term, but spotty short-term memory. I’ve trained myself to leave my keys in the exact same spot ALL the time, and to write things down because of this. But if the official testy-peeps say I’m good, I suppose I’m good.

I am listing to one side, dropping things on that side, and tripping because my left foot is dragging. This makes it fun for Ahmed, who is in charge of catching me. Hey… one excuse to cop a feel is as good as the other, right?

I learned a lot from this experience. I seem to be speaking fine… but my pauses are longer. I can type, but at a normal speed. My speed was once legendary, so being average is pissing me off a little.

Lastly? When my man unit announced to the world—in very classic Ahmed fashion—that I could do with some prayers, Facebook exploded with lovely good wishes. It was incredibly touching, and you’re all in my prayers, too. MWAH!!! Big, fat, hairy kisses… that pull slightly to the right.

When I Upgrade…

2011-07-27T15:03:00.001-04:00

I have never been a fan of the BMW. It’s not that I don’t admire the vehicle in any way, but it seems to me every other car on the road is a BMW… which completely de-values it as a brand (at least in my eyes). Couple that with the fact that they are only technically “German” now, and I’m not impressed.

Until…

Enter the brand-new concept car, the 328 Hommage, a 75th anniversary edition designed to pay tribute to the roots of BMW. To this I say… are you shitting me?

Those straps emerging from chrome slats on the side and top? Weatherproofed leather… matching the interior. This car has an actual six pack… it has abs. Kidney shaped grills and round headlights with “knock-out” graphic Xs. That body, so gorgeously molded, is carbon-reinforced shell.

This is one of those times when “price upon request” makes me whimper. But… damn. I mean… DAMN!

Peter Nimble is My New Hero!

2011-07-22T14:34:00.001-04:00

I would KILL to have this title on Kindle, so if you are listening, Amulet Books, get on that! This title-- which is available in hardcover for a reasonable $17, is the most charming thing written for kids I've come across since Harry. Jonathan Auxier has created an incredibly charming adventure with this novel. Peter, the title character and hero, is a blind orphan. At the tender age of ten he must learn to survive, and does so by becoming an unlikely thief. He steals a box filled with three sets of magical eyes. From the blurb on on amazon.com:

One fateful afternoon, he steals a box from a mysterious traveling haberdasher—a box that contains three pairs of magical eyes. When he tries the first pair, he is instantly transported to a hidden island where he is presented with a special quest: to travel to the dangerous Vanished Kingdom and rescue a people in need. Along with his loyal sidekick—a knight who has been turned into an unfortunate combination of horse and cat—and the magic eyes, he embarks on an unforgettable, swashbuckling adventure to discover his true destiny.

Pick this one up. Absolutely adorabe, genuinely new ideas, and beautifully crafted. This is why kids fall in love with books!

Philippa Ballantine's Order Series

2011-07-12T13:57:00.004-04:00

I just picked up Philippa Ballantine's second ORDER book, Spectyr. The first book in the series, Geist, was a delightful surprise and one of the first books I double-purchased for my Kindle. The world she has built is rich, but I really liked the fact that it was both familiar in an old-school-fantasy craft sense, but with a completely new story.

One of the things I liked most? If you, like me, find the zombie movement intriguing, but overdone, this may appeal. Ballantine's "geists" are fantasy-fied and have a much more folkloric feel, but they push similar buttons.

There's a bit of romance, but only as an element. There's some wonderfully subtle handling of religion, faith, and power. Some of the magic elements, such as the "air ships" have an almost steampunk feel, giving the books wonderful and unexpected layers. Which, let's face it, is exactly what fantasy fans look for. We want our stories to feel like fantasy without being rote or cliche.

Ballantine delivers just that. Don't miss this series, it's really worth your investment. Perfect summer escapism!

Dude… we’re gettin’ the band back together…

2011-07-10T14:47:00.001-04:00

Long, long ago in a land known as Green Habah, there was a small group of nerds who loved music and one another. They were called THE BEACH RATS. Actually, the kids were called beach rats because they hung out at the beach almost year-round. It took serious sub-zero temps to force them indoors. The BAND was initially called The Beach Rat Blues Review, but nobody was willing to say that many words in a go… it was the 80s.

So the kids went minimalist and struck out on a magic carpet ride of ear-splitting (initially) loudness. After a year or so it all blended away to soul-strumming smoothness in the tradition of Bob Seger, Bonnie Raitt, and Tom Petty. Only teenagers… so yeah, not as good.

Why do you care? You probably don’t. But I’m excited because I was the lead singer for that band, wrote all the lyrics for their songs, and am now a writer of a different sort. But when several of my besties-- who were also band-mates, boyfriends, best-friends, and blood-siblings and still are—heard me mention that there would be a bar with a house-band in the second installment of my Maggie Gallagher Mystery series, genius struck.

Since The Beach Rats inspired the idea, and since I intended to use my own lyrics here and there in the novel, why not record some of those old songs and give them away as a promo?

So we’re gonna. We’ve already laid down a few tracks and dug out the old notebooks. I can even read my handwriting. This feels like promotional genius, but know what?

It’s just an excuse to have fun. DUDE!! WE’RE GETTIN’ THE BAND BACK TOGETHER!!!!

Imagine how RAWKIN AWESOME we’ll sound clean and sober!!!

If I Blog It, Will They Come?

2011-07-08T16:39:00.001-04:00

Since The Sceptics' Tank has always been a private, members-only group, we decided to give up the website this past year. It was stupid to have a domain and presence for absolutely no reason. We have our IRC channels and the mail loop, so what was the point?

Weirdly, members missed having logs and other nonsense on a web page. I still don’t really know why. But you asked, and I am all about the love. So we have a blog. Any members who want to be able to post on the blog are welcome to apply for a google account so they can be added as members.

Are you happy now? http://thescepticstank.blogspot.com/… it’s what’s for dinner.

Cut or Save?

2011-07-05T16:04:00.004-04:00

As many of you know, I am in fierce edits for CRY UNCLE, and one of the things I am trying to do is edit with minimal damage.

When I first wrote this scene it was meant as a way to show-not-tell things about the character, who is sort of a New England combo of Paris Hilton and Casey Anthony with a lower IQ. It’s the readers’ first encounter with Emily, the character in question, who has just lost her father: the world’s biggest dirtbag.

This is the scene… my beta reader has threatened to kill me if I cut it. She is also scouring shelters for a Dorkie, so take that into consideration:

From CRY UNCLE, by Chrissy Olinger

    I glanced up and noticed my cousin, Emily, standing in the kitchen with a tiny creature in her arms. It was covered in wild tufts of brown and black hair that appeared to be infested with both static cling and hair gel. It was wearing a pink sweater. Emily maneuvered around the table and headed in our direction.
    Shit.
    It's possible the only person alive I hated more than Denny was his daughter.
    Justin greeted her first. "Hey, Emily, how are you?"
    She didn't appear to have been crying. She shrugged and dug her fingers into the fuzz escaping from its pink confinement.
    "What is that?" Jackie never had a filter installed.
    "She is my dog, Princess." Emily sniffed and adjusted Princess. "I got one of those kits you can send away to get a genealogy for her. The report said she was half Dachshund and half Yorkie."
    Jackie gaped. "You have a Dorkie?"
    Emily glared back at him, tightening her hold on the tiny dog. It wheezed and made a rough hacking sound. One of the eyes flickered in spasm.
    "She's a Yorksund."
    "I thought that was a kind of Scandinavian furniture." Justin reached a hand toward Princess. Princess wheezed again and curled her lip. Justin growled at the Dorkie.

Anatomy of a Brateopath

2011-07-05T15:12:00.001-04:00

This may be the most hated face in America today, and I’m certainly no exception. But one of the things that has bothered me the most about watching the Casey Anthony trial is the defense, by so many in the media and even on the street, of George, Cindy, and even Lee.

I started following this trial because of my “other” job. Reviewing Casey’s journal entries and jailhouse letters—penned in a scrawl that is eerily similar to her father’s weirdly effeminate script in the suicide note—a riveting personality emerged. Casey is the ultimate example of what I have come to call a “brateopath.” She is sociopathic, narcissistic, and a result of indulgence that spoils, quite literally, a human being. In other words, when we hear the phrase “spoiled brat,” we don’t look terribly closely at the term. But this was a human being who was literally spoiled—ruined, broken, and damaged— by her entire family’s refusal to make her face consequences.

She didn’t graduate high school, but her mother threw her a party.
She lied about her pregnancy, and her mother indulged the denial.
She stole money from her own grandparents, and when confronted, Cindy defended her and asked that she not face charges.
She lied about jobs, people, and a nanny… to a family who knew she lied, knew she was a criminal, and knew she expected others to cover for her.

Are we really supposed to believe that anyone in that house was surprised? When we hear the panic and terror in Cindy’s voice during the 911 call, are we really supposed to indulge yet another lie, and believe her when she claims she didn’t IMMEDIATELY know something was wrong, and that Casey was behind it?

No, and that’s why I ask everyone to consider that Cindy, George, Lee, and anyone else who indulged her when they knew she was the broken creature they’d helped create, are partially responsible.

Believe it or not, seeing a criminal indulged throughout my childhood is precisely what encouraged me to get involved in LLVF (language, literary, and verbal forensics). It also inspired a lot of my written work. I know how this sort of thing damages… and how long… and how deeply.

Casey was guilty, no matter what the jury says. If they feel they didn’t have the evidence, I do understand, whatever my own opinion may be.

You know who DID have the evidence? Her family. And they had it BEFORE that innocent angel was thrown into a swamp to rot.

Think about it.

Pyrotechnics and Other Junk

2011-07-01T14:26:00.001-04:00

So… a local tv channel claims that a certain other town has the best July 4th celebration.

Look... safety and tax sponsored activities aside... how can you possibly top watching a moron set himself on fire, run around like a chicken sans-noggin, and hurl himself into the harbor to avoid the illegal fireworks fine he'll pay if he has to call 911 and tip off the authorities?

I'm callin' BS and sticking with Marshvegas, home of hot dogs and beer, mom and apple pie, and third degree burns for our summer enjoyment. Yeah, find the drawer your wife hid your testicles in, screw em back on, and man up, Duxbury!

It’s tradition, people. Nobody LIKES it, but SOMEBODY has to get set on fire. Deal with it!

My Twitter World Tour

2011-06-24T17:44:00.001-04:00

It’s entirely possible I am the only person on earth amused by this… but I have recently gone on a massive world tour sponsored by Twitter.

About two months ago Twitter decided it was the boss of me and kept nudging me to allow it to “get my location.” Ok, I’m a team player. Knock yourself out, weenie blue bird. When my actual location is correct it reads GREEN HARBOR / CEDARVIEW, MA.

But it rarely reads GREEN HARBOR / CEDARVIEW, MA. In fact, it almost never reads GREEN HARBOR / CEDARVIEW, MA. If it read Marshfield, or Duxbury, or even Boston? I’d get that. But Twitter is determined to send me on a far-ranging world tour that is, frankly, way more exciting than my actual travels. So I’m in—consider me embarked. Here are my concert dates from the past few days:

Framingham—at least it’s the same state. I’ve been there.

Sand Lake, NY. Never been there, but doesn’t it sound pretty?

Today I’m in Pittsgrove, NJ.

ARE YOU READY TO RAWK, PITTSGROVE???

Keep checking back and stay tuned for grungy t-shirts with my entire tour down the back. I can’t wait to see where I turn up next!

Crawling Back Out of the Hole

2011-06-21T16:17:00.001-04:00

My sabbatical is continuing, but I am slowly, steadily crawling out of the hole. I’m also trying really hard to keep my publication date on schedule… among other things.

I survived surgery, and found a few other issues to fix. Sue me, I’m a work in progress.

I had an inbox full of stuff when I logged on for the first time in a few weeks Saturday. If you were lost in the shuffle or the spam box I apologize. I’m still slow.

I used to love summer… and really, to be fair, I guess I still do. Today is Litha, or the Solstice marking the end of Spring and Summer’s sunny launch. JUST before 11:00 pm tonight the moon will be void-of-course. For what it’s worth—perfect time to raise a dead body and create a zombie. Just sayin’. If you have spare parts laying around, or if… well… Uncle Abernathy has been asleep in that chair a bit too long but he hasn’t gone manky yet.

Something to think about.

Taking a Sabbatical

2011-06-07T09:14:00.001-04:00

Over the next few weeks, probably until some time at the end of June or beginning of July, I will be on sabbatical. I hope everyone stays busy (keep writing!) and enjoys some down time, too.

Big changes have decided to come my way. I’ll be taking care of some medical issues, getting a bit of rest (stop laughing), doing a little work around the house, and finishing up Cry Uncle for release later this summer.

See you at the beach!

Breaking the Fourth Wall

2011-06-03T16:41:00.001-04:00

Yeah, reader, I’m talkin’ to YOU.

I’ve always been fond of well-crafted breaks in the fourth wall. I suppose that’s how my current work in progress happened. It’s first person, with break-out meta-reference throughout. I love the style—it flows off my fingers and onto the page very naturally. But done wrong? Yeah… beyond bad.

That said, I am letting my small crew of beta-readers (who will all go to heaven and get brownies) tear it apart this month before I put my head down, bite the bullet, and do my own ripping and cutting.

Terrified? Who, me?

Let’s face it, this kind of device is easy for authors to love; but it’s also perilous for us to over-use. It must-must-MUST be done with a delicate hand. So I am trolling around for any good examples of the style. I figure if I read it done brilliantly that rhythm will infiltrate my brain before I pick up the proverbial red pen. The best examples I can recall on the fly? Jane Eyre, of course, has that famous “reader, I married him!” Lemony Snicket, too, but I’m yearning for more adult books at the moment. I’ve picked up Philip Reeve's Larklight

Suggestions welcome and deeply appreciated!

Get This ^%$ing Book

2011-06-03T14:15:00.004-04:00

Adam Mansbach is an evil genius and I am in love with him... ok, just his book, but still...

If you know a:

1. new parent
2. old parent
3. person who has a sense of humor

you MUST purchase this book, Go the F*** to Sleep.*

*WARNING: This book is NOT a children's book. It can be found in the HUMOR section, unless the twerps at BN and Borders screwed up... again. Seriously, if you read this shit to your kid DYS is coming to take them away.

Let Me Call You Sweetheart Available Today!

2011-05-31T14:09:00.002-04:00

Great new release!

From Gwen Hayes, a wonderful new title at a fantastic price.

From amazon.com:

Hollywood made him a star. She makes him want to be a better man.

A Come Rain or Come Shine Story

Charlotte Jeeves, “Charlie” to anyone not pulling her over or collecting her taxes, is the only one in town who’s not excited about her new neighbor, TV actor Jeeves Allencaster. It’s not “cute” how they share a name, and so not charming that he steals her muffin before they’ve even met. The last thing she wants is some slick Hollywood type turning her safe, small-town haven into a circus.

If the locals have their way, though, she and Jeeves will be dating by…well, it depends on who you ask—and how much they’ve invested in the betting pool.

Jeeves hates Hollwood. Mostly he just hates the way it’s changed him. Port Grable is the total opposite of LaLa Land—the perfect place to rediscover himself. His plan didn’t include hooking up with the bitter—yet undeniably lush—girl next door. She’s not his type, yet he can’t get her off his mind.

Trouble is, to thaw the ice around her heart, he’ll have to show her the real man behind the Hollywood charade. If he still exists…

Warning: Baked-good larceny is prohibited by law in many states. Please seek competent legal advice before trying this at home.

He’s the best!

2011-05-28T18:09:00.001-04:00

You can’t see how gorgeous this is in the crappy webcam photo, and it doesn’t look particularly elegant against my Sonic the Hedgehog t-shirt… but this is 3 carat, emerald-cut diamond with a Celtic-knotwork toggle clasp.

And it got to me… on my birthday… via special courier… with a media center for my car… and roses… while the best man alive is digging around in rubble and helping to triage survivors in Joplin, MO.

SO the next time YOUR man has a lame excuse for missing your birthday?

Just slug him.

I love you baby! Come home safe… SOON.

It’s Getting Interesting…

2011-05-26T17:29:00.001-04:00

I know I have been scarce lately, but I’ve had great reasons. 2011 has been an incredibly exciting year for me. It has been my most prolific year as a writer. You just can’t tell. I published the last title under my pen name… at least for the distant future. I published the first fiction under my own name (My Boyfriend's Back), and finished a third title that I decided to shelve for the time being.

But the most exciting thing that happened in 2011 was my decision to re-brand myself, start an entirely new career path, and launch into the mystery/thriller genre. Since making that decision I have written more—and put out better product—than I ever have in a very short span. I began Cry Uncle only two months ago, didn’t sit down with it seriously until the end of last month, and it is very nearly done. The next two titles are outlined, fleshed, and have covers ready. Promo material is going off to printers soon. The book will come out mid-summer.

This past week I had two writers I respect (worship is too strong a word, right? right…) ask to read the rough draft.

I nearly laid a green twinkie.

But this is the scary part for writers… the moment we let it go and allow the work to exist outside the womb of our hard-drive.

The feedback I got was… amazing. And now, having read those very kind words, I can reflect without fear and nerves on my own experience with this book. I really like it. I’m proud of it, and excited to share it. But perhaps the best thing of all? I’ve never been so comfortable with the process or the product in my life.

So I guess when I made a decision, this January, to find my voice, use my voice, and honor what my voice wanted to be… well, I should have known it would get interesting.

How about you? What are you working on? How does your work make you feel?

Since the Rapture is Nigh…

2011-05-21T00:10:00.001-04:00

By the way… I seriously dislike the word “nigh.” And yet, I just used it in the title—right there, up above—cuz I’m a conundrum. (I really love the word “conundrum.” Irony, thou art a harsh mistress.)

But yeah, the Rapture is alleged to be May 21st, which is also my mom’s birthday and Ahmed’s mom’s birthday (felicitations, Lanie and Maji). I’m quite sure there is no connection.

I was yapping with a gal from one of my workshops this week about what I would do if I could do ANYTHING. I always piss these people off. Because—don’t hate me—I’d do what I’m doing. I love writing, I love working with investigators and others on language forensics and literary forensics projects. I’d probably just blow more money on indie stuff and buy billboards in Time Square and hovering above Fenway to put my covers up in gigantic color. Or I’d run a television ad and hire Tom Hanks to say “I wish I had waited to play one of Chrissy’s characters, because frankly, we all know Dan Brown is an asshat.” Then I’d giggle at the trial when he sued me.

Ok, maybe not that last thing.

Know what, though? If the Rapture thing doesn’t work out and I do become a gagillionaire (shut up, it could happen), I may buy a gorgeous chunk of land somewhere with trees, paths, and water. And I’ll build two dozen small, cute cabins with AC, heat, and Wi-Fi. And then I’ll invite writers, artists, and musicians to just… show up and create. Like a luxury summer camp and retreat center for people who want to make powerful and beautiful and sad and amazing things. An art colony on steroids.

Plus really awesome thread count on the linens and Terry’s chocolate oranges on the nightstand so you can whack em and snack em all night.

Come to think of it… that would be a pretty awesome Rapture right there. I’m buying a lottery ticket and shopping for acreage.

Hey, the government needs money. Think they’d sell me Acadia?

Prolly not.

Who is Your Cheerleader?

2011-05-19T10:45:00.001-04:00

Who is your cheerleader? Everyone should have one. I have a couple: Ahmed, my mom, my writing group (shout out to South Shore MA Writers!), many of my friends. In this I am incredibly lucky.

This week I spent a couple of days in Connecticut with some wonderful law enforcement and federal employees. Ahmed came down with me just for a "fun getaway." (Translation: free room service in a really swanky room and some peace.) I had a hard time sleeping, so I spent a little time hammering away on my soon-to-be-lauded mystery thriller. I've been trying not to become a complete spaz about this shift in my writing career, but frankly... I'm stoked.

Best part? So are my cheerleaders. Can I just tell you how amazing that feels? Just a few days ago my mom asked "do you have any more written that I can read?"

Never happened before. Blew me away.

Ahmed is, perhaps, the world's best cheerleader. He even bribes me with treats. If I complete 'X' word-count by 'Y' day, he'll buy me something cool, take me someplace awesome, or do something special. I would feel guilty about it, since he is notorious for spoiling me rotten regardless of my written work... but I don't do guilt well, and honestly?

IT KICKS ASS!

So who shakes the pompoms for you? If nobody does, lemme know. I'll shake mine! :)

Booksurge Absorbed by Createspace

2011-05-13T12:34:00.007-04:00

Booksurge has announced today that it will be absorbed by Createspace. The announcement was made via the website. Read more...

We have some exciting news to share - BookSurge is becoming CreateSpace. BookSurge and CreateSpace have historically operated as two distinct brands of one company – On Demand Publishing LLC, a subsidiary of Amazon.com, Inc. - and are now uniting under the CreateSpace platform to offer you an expanded catalog of publishing tools and services. You will still be working with the same team and receive the same high level of service to which you’ve been accustomed with BookSurge. *source

The company also provided a link for authors, specifically. Read more HERE.

Hard Times Aren’t Bad Times

2011-05-10T15:27:00.001-04:00

The next few months are going to be tough. Today I grabbed a little patch of writing time before having some tests. Yeah, I hate tests. They aren’t the kind that get you into school or provide you with a driver’s license.

But the hard times coming don’t have to be bad times. If life has taught me anything, it has taught me the power, blessing, and surprising opportunities hidden in challenges. Cancer was a gift. PF, even, has been a gift. The smartest person I ever knew told me, time and again, that Pain is our greatest teacher. Adversity is just an assistant, really.

So I’m going to be forced to slow some things down in the coming months, and to put a lot of things aside all-together for most of June. I’m actually already planning ways to get a lot done before this month is over, and to shuffle tasks around during that “down time.”

I’ve spent a lot of time over the past few weeks with writers, most of them good friends. We were sitting in a planning meeting last week when several of my friends expressed dismay at recent “rough patches.” I remained quiet. I go through them, too. But I did notice one very old friend watching me.

“How do you do it?” she asked. “You’ve been coughing all night.”

I gave the same answer I always give, which is that I GET UP whenever I can manage it… which is pretty much every day. It’s very rare I stay in bed, and usually only on strict medical orders. In a way I felt bad for silencing the group, because we should all feel free to bitch. Really, it’s what friends are for, and support groups should be safe places to vent, too.

But it really has, honestly, been that simple for me. I had a long stretch of curiously good health and worked my backside off earlier this year. Last month I hit a pot-hole jungle and the going got rough. I even had a week in bed, forced, and miserable. As soon as I could get up and get out of the house I did.

June will be a month of patching holes. They need patching. I’ll put up with it, sneak as many moments with my netbook as possible, and get up the instant they let me up. Somebody has to keep Starbucks in business…

It’s Short Story Month!

2011-05-05T14:32:00.001-04:00

According to Poets and Writers Magazine May is Short Story Month. One of the things I love about the digital publishing industry is the renewed interest in the short. Publishing short stories had become a challenge, as magazines lost ground in popularity, and print began to shrink.

Enter the e-reader, and the elimination of waste and cost issues. Now inexpensive, quick, satisfying reads are making a healthy come-back. Who doesn’t love a little nugget of literary goodness perfect for the train ride, soccer practice, or just a Sunday afternoon escape?

Check out a shortie and celebrate!

My Biggest Fan

2011-05-04T14:32:00.001-04:00

Yesterday was a challenging day in a week that was equally frustrating. But you have to look for a reason to be positive.

I found one.

Sitting at Starbucks, banging away on my next WIP—Cry Uncle, which will be available in both print and digital—I noticed a very nice woman come in and start chatting up the baristas.

Now… you have to know something about me, Starbucks, and the baristas in Marshfield. We’re besties. They take very good care of me. They put up with Max and his drive-through hysteria. They are good people.

Turns out one of the gals had given my business card to a woman who comes in with her Kindle quite often. She told the lady, whom I discovered was named Emily, to check out my website, where there was a link to My Boyfriend's Back. Emily went home, downloaded it, and liked it very much. She sat with me, told me all about her love for MBB, and could not have been lovelier if she tried.

My biggest fan… well, so far… how cool is that? Totally made a bad day wonderful!

Ellipses…

2011-05-03T13:28:00.001-04:00

*ELLIPSIS \i-ˈlip-səs, e-\ plural el·lip·ses

1 a : the omission of one or more words that are obviously understood but that must be supplied to make a construction grammatically complete

b : a sudden leap from one topic to another

2 : marks or a mark (as …) indicating an omission (as of words) or a pause

*source: Merriam Webster

If something doesn’t happen soon to end the tide of grammatical madness I may lose what is left of my mind. I was reading the newspaper today (I’m talking to YOU, Boston Herald), and saw three instances on a two page spread of misused ellipses. Rupert Murdoch, take heed… somebody needs to be told… or fired.

I am as guilty as anyone of over-using the ellipses in my casual writing. We have become fond of the punctuation as a way of indicating a pause. Overly fond, one can argue, but using ellipses to indicate a pause in thought or rhythm is, technically, correct. That our current culture, which is so dominated by social media and informal written exchange has informed the literary culture is fine. But come ON!

Three little periods in a row: ---> … <---

Can’t we all get on board with that? Just type three… not four, not five, not a long row across the page. It’s bad enough I am subjected to this stuff on twitter and facebook. I think we should all have permission to stomp around on Shrunk and White when we’re messaging our peeps out in the interwebosphere. But my daily newspaper needs to maintain some kind of standard… doesn’t it?

Accidental Research and Spy Neato-ness

2011-04-28T13:40:00.001-04:00

I’ve been working with an amazing group of dudes over the past few weeks in my “other” job as a language forensics specialist. I love the job, even though I now work exclusively as an independent contractor, which basically means I get a call from somebody and show up, or say “send me the file.” It allows me freedom, but lets me do something I genuinely love. But sometimes these assignments bring me some amazing and unexpected benefits.

As a writer, you can’t beat that.

So some very neat guys at the FBI were cool enough to thank me for a workshop by showing me one of the most awesome hidden gems in the world: THE INTERNATIONAL SPY MUSEUM in New Haven, CT.

The what? I know, right!?

Yup. There is an International Spy Museum just north of the FBI Headquarters in New Haven. My favorite thing? It’s possibly the most ostentatiously marked and loudly displayed structure on the face of the planet. Like… it’s the anti-cognito center of obviosity. For realzies. But the INSIDE is packed with incredible architecture, art, and neat interactive stuff. The place has this incredibly bohemian vibe, but it also has a TON of information on the history of espionage.

If you get a chance, you really must check it out! Check out the website HERE.

Lyrics: Never Apart

2011-04-25T18:45:00.002-04:00

Years Ago I belonged to a band called The Beach Rats. About a month ago my band-mate, Steve, found some old lyrics crammed into a binder. He sent them to me.

Wow. We were definitely teenagers.

Oddly, there WERE a few gems. This one has been running through my head this week. Ahmed left me this morning for his week away from me in Nova Scotia. We suffer the last week of each month apart from one another. Somehow, this song seems to have risen from my past in angsty-youthful rhyme to perfectly sum up those feelings.

Divided But Never Apart

Mist on the harbor, sun drifting down
Missed you, this morning, roll out of town.
Reeling up pavement, sealing up fate,
Leaving me lonely, to sit here and wait.
I hope you feel it, out there in the rain
The tug on your heart-- my anchor-chain.
I hope you know it, deep in your heart
I've decided we're divided but never apart.

Rain on the windows, one more dim day
To cross off the tally you're still away.
Walking through cobwebs, talking to you
As if you're still close-- in the next room.
Biting a lip, holding a breath,
Taking that sip that burns hot as death.
Liquid bravado to shore up my heart
I've decided we're divided but never apart.

I don't know how we can keep pushing on
Through long nights in silence to clutch at a dawn
That's no brighter or lighter-- just dim, empty haze
Barely enough to illuminate days upon days
upon days... upon days

Somehow we make it another long stretch
Of long, bitter nights spent just craving your touch.
And the power of what I feel keeps me alive
In that deep, yawning empty from where you arise.
You come back, through the empty, to fill up my heart
Not divided, we've decided that we're never apart.

Lyrics by Chrissy Olinger of the formerly angsty Beach Rats

Duuuuude! We’re SO NOT getting’ the band back togetha!

Kindle Enables Library Lending

2011-04-21T09:37:00.001-04:00

Amazon has finally announced that it will be enabling library lending. Library lending was one of the beefs some Kindle customers have had. As many local libraries close, the number one e-reader was lagging behind on this front.

Hoping to get a leg up on the competition, Amazon will also be allowing users to use the Whispersync highlighting technology to highlight and add margin notes to Kindle books checked out from the local library. Notes will NOT appear to the next person checking out the book, but because they are synced to the lender’s amazon account, they will be available if he or she checks the book out again, or purchases it in the future.

From Amazon’s press release:

"We're excited that millions of Kindle customers will be able to borrow Kindle books from their local libraries," said Jay Marine, Director, Amazon Kindle. "Customers tell us they love Kindle for its Pearl e-ink display that is easy to read even in bright sunlight, up to a month of battery life, and Whispersync technology that synchronizes notes, highlights and last page read between their Kindle and free Kindle apps."

Read the full article HERE.

NY Times: Chicks Don’t Dig Chain Mail

2011-04-17T21:54:00.001-04:00

In a very nasty critique of George RR Martin’s Game of Thrones adaptation for HBO, Ginia Bellafante seems to not only indicate that she doesn’t read much, but that she has her finger placed firmly on the pulse hidden up her bum.

Not so much with the pulse of literary culture, entertainment, or… err… people who think.

She writes:

The true perversion… is the sense you get that all of this illicitness has been tossed in as a little something for the ladies, out of a justifiable fear, perhaps, that no woman alive would watch otherwise. While I do not doubt that there are women in the world who read books like Mr. Martin’s, I can honestly say that I have never met a single woman who has stood up in indignation at her book club and refused to read the latest from Lorrie Moore unless everyone agreed to “The Hobbit” first. “Game of Thrones” is boy fiction patronizingly turned out to reach the population’s other half.

The odd thing is, I have been following many of the online discussions about this series, which is much-beloved. HBO’s series, too, has been all the buzz, and the buzz is neither “boy” buzz, nor particularly gender-specific. My own writing group, which is predominantly women, planned several viewing parties this weekend. The excitement had nothing to do with sex, illicitness, and had everything to do with an outstanding fantasy series.

I’d be more likely to take Ms. Bellafante seriously if not for this particular little snippet:

Like “The Tudors” and “The Borgias” on Showtime and the “Spartacus” series on Starz, “Game of Thrones,” is a costume-drama sexual hopscotch, even if it is more sophisticated than its predecessors. It says something about current American attitudes toward sex that with the exception of the lurid and awful “Californication,” nearly all eroticism on television is past tense.

Um. I know it’s confusing. But… well… Fantasy is not history. Sometimes it looks like history. Sometimes it has unicorns and dragons. (No word on the unicorns, which sort of have a long standing relationship with virgins… we’ll have to see where Bellafante stands there.) Just because a clever writer makes it look “historical” does not mean it takes place in the past. See… it takes place in a made-up place. FANTASY—get it? One also wonders how something can be both “costume-drama sexual hopscotch” and “more sophisticated than its predecessors.” There’s some WTFery afoot here, folks.

As for eroticism and chicks and chainmail… if Bellafante finds GOT “erotic” I want to follow her around on her next date. Bloody, political, and yes—sensual and sexual in turns. But erotic?

Wow. Just wow.

Read the original article HERE… or, you know… the bird cage looks like it could use a new carpet.

Dreamstime and Vistaprint, How I Love Thee!

2011-04-14T17:21:00.001-04:00

I’m not sure why this particular image spoke to me, but it did. I found it on Dreamstime not long ago and grabbed it on impulse… then realized I needed new business cards. (I have cool language forensics cards provided by the feds, but do my own writer cards, obviously.)

Vistaprint is a writer’s best friend… FOR SERIOUS! I’ve used them forever, and they’ve always been wonderful.

This was no exception. Clearly the blue striped kitty and bats in the image were a bit off, but no problemo. Also… this is a not-really-but-kinda-representation of ME, so that super-high noggin was getting trimmed.

VOILA—minus one kitty and yarn ball, add a dash of purple PUG, tweak the hair, chase off the bats and ghosts, and…

Rules for Writers… What are Yours?

2011-04-11T14:10:00.001-04:00

As a die-hard fan of Elmore Leonard—the guy who created the world of JUSTIFIED, my new favorite TV show—I was fascinated by this article, also inspired by him: 10 Rules for Writing Fiction. (Special thanks to Mayreen at the SFFWorld forums for the link.)

In the article, some great names give their top advice on how to keep noses to grindstones and more. What I realized, upon reading and reflecting, is that my own list gets smaller each year.

Here it is… and I would love to hear yours, too:

1. Write, even if what you write sucks. Just write every day possible.
2. Never delete anything.
3. Publish. Even if you go KDP or Smashwords. Don't leave ANY manuscript you liked at the end sitting in a bin, on a dusty flash drive, or under the bed just because it didn't "find its niche."
4. Don't blow money on a career that isn't making money. See number 3.
5. If you go to conferences take notes on what the big names do while falling down drunk and keep a glass of ginger-ale in your hand at all times so they think you're drunk, too. (Consider showing up incognito if you’ve lost weight or changed your hair.)

Is Money Flowing Toward YOU, Writer?

2011-04-09T15:08:00.001-04:00

If you are a writer, you’ve probably heard the mantra. MONEY FLOWS TOWARD THE WRITER. Most often we hear it in relation to vanity publishing, scams, or “services” that are nothing more than a way to soak an author who has stars in his or her eyes. With the explosion in independent, direct-publishing (yes, we have taken ownership of term “indie” and no, you can’t do a damned thing about it), I’ve been seeing a lot of new trespasses into the stream. Money is finding new ways to flow away from the author. And even more writers are finding old ways to blow their cash.

How many conferences have you attended? I go to small gatherings. I’ve been to two RWA Conferences, both were in the local New England Chapter, and within driving distance. I rented a room both times so that I wasn’t blowing most of my weekend on commute. Both times I did NOT arrive early or leave late. I did not take visitors to the area sight-seeing. I bought rounds of drinks and an inexpensive (Olive Garden once, and a pub on another occasion) meals for a few friends. I could afford both, and did not consider it part of my “writer-weekend.” It was fun, not business.

This past week dozens of people I knew flew across the country to attend the Romantic Times convention, which most agree is appropriate when you have a book to promote. Many of them did not. My gut tells me, particularly paying attention to the tweets and fb postings, that the majority of those writers were on vacation. I love seeing friends and associates have fun. I hate seeing them falling down drunk. It’s also upsetting to think about the economy these days and have that tally adding up in my head. Are sales good enough for everybody there to break even? Cover expenses? Come close? None of my business, but… is money flowing toward these writers?

I’ve seen an awful lot of writers with either very little or nothing at all published blowing wads of cash at these get-togethers. Some were friends, and I’ve bitten my tongue. I’ve seen more adults drunk off their backsides than I ever care to count. I’ve opted, personally, not to behave that way, and not to spend money that way. I went to RWA Nationals once, a very long time ago, when I was just getting ready to dip my toe in. I knew almost nobody. A few workshops were useful, but I also found RWA New England more helpful, less expensive, and more intimate (ie: I got better, more personal contact and access to the people I wanted to see and talk to).

Recently, as I ventured out under my own name (rather than the pen name I’ve considered retiring), I’ve been watching the indie boards, groups, blogs. A lot of people seem to be spending huge amounts on book covers, editing services, formatting, etc. If you have to hire another person for these things, I totally understand. But check the background of the person. I would say NEVER pay anyone unless you have heard good things about him or her from at least one writer who worked with the person in question. Shop around. Consider how much you can expect to make as well as how long it will take to make back what you spend up front.

Google. Try formatting on your own at least once before shelling out the have it done for you. See if you can barter—2 beta-reads in exchange for adding text to a stock image correctly so your cover is the cost of the image, perhaps. If you are going to spend money, spend it on editing. (I recommend Rhonda Stapleton as an editor.) Don’t spend money on advertising until you’ve made enough to cover it. Ask other writers what has worked for them and how much they paid.

There is nothing wrong with spending to promote yourself or make your work better, but remember… MONEY MUST FLOW TOWARD THE WRITER. It can’t flow toward you if you are bailing wads of cash into the stream!

Joe Abercrombie to Interview George RR Martin

2011-04-07T21:23:00.003-04:00

I recently caved to ages of pressure and began reading Joe Abercrombie. I started with The Blade Itself, and must say I love the voice and movement, but am struggling a little with the plot-hopping. It seems to be narrowing into a tighter focus as I go, and I'm suspecting I will be won over in a chapter or two. I have almost completely worn myself out on romance, with a few exceptions. Lately I crave good, old school fantasy. I blame Patrick Rothfuss.

Naturally I found my way to Mr. Abercrombie's blog. I was delighted to find an announcement that he will be interviewing George RR Martin soon in LA. (See his post about it HERE.) Martin is another author I was forced, at gunpoint, to discover. I will forever be grateful to Pete Rush for that introduction.

Martin has become an auto-buy, and one of the first purchases I made for my Kindle were his Game of Thrones novels. Martin is looming as a big deal on tv lately, doncha know. I've become a blog-stalker, to be honest. Any writer I love who blogs is going to have to take out a web-restraining-order.

I simply had to share this with the rest of the world... two great dudes who should be great together... like chocolate and peanutbutter!

Here’s the REAL Scoop

2011-04-03T16:44:00.003-04:00

Man, if you ever get busy, hire an assistant. Because I had a really busy week, and the rodeo-circus that followed has been something else. A LOT of rumors are going around. Oddly, the truth is, in some ways, more freaky than the rumors. But I have seen gossip cause a bit too much trouble to simply ignore it.

Taking a breath…

Here’s the actual scoop… or, here are the actual scoops. (I told you I was busy.)

1. Yes, I left RD. I was not banned. I requested that my membership be deleted because there is no place on the membership control panel I could find to do it. I wanted to be deleted, primarily to avoid getting numerous “personal message” alerts, and quite a few emails about RD. My personal philosophy is that one should not say it if it must be said in private. I don’t know anyone at RD (or anywhere else on the net) well enough for long personal conversations that wouldn’t have been in private to start with. I ALSO felt that contacting me directly to complain about RD stuff was disloyal to RD… even though a lot of the “stuff” was allegedly in support of me. I do not think MORE of a person for copying and pasting something they were supposed to keep private/secret into an email to me. I’d be flattered if they stood up for me openly, but stabbing my back-stabber in the back? That just makes me think you are both a wuss and a back-stabber, too.

2. There was no big, huge throw-down. I have been getting copy-and-paste “intel” for months, and never wanted or solicited it. I was ignoring it. I even asked repeatedly for it to stop. When I took ONE angle on something, but the powers-that-be took another, I simply decided that my loyalty was only going in one direction. Nobody was set on fire. I simply asked to leave in silence.

3. Yeah, silence isn’t going to happen. I mean, I tried. Now the speculation that this was a REALLY BIG THING is going in absolutely wonky directions. I will not elaborate on those directions, since it only risks validating them. Seriously… some adults decided they didn’t wanna hang out anymore. The sky hath not fallen.

4. Fictionistas kicks butt. I am no longer a blog-mate there, but I wish them all best. To be completely fair, they had no idea I was leaving til I left. I simply felt that it was my safest way to go. I really mean it when I say I wish them all the best.

5. I really mean it when I say I mean it… I never bother lying and don’t pull punches. The bad part of that? I do not suffer assholes well and people who have to get along with assholes find being around me uncomfortable. (See #1.) The good part? You never have to ask if I meant something. This blog post is going to piss some people off, but I discovered an absolute truth this month: keeping quiet to protect others doesn’t work, and I don’t deserve the stick-beating my silence earned me when I have the audacity to speak.

6. Write Out Loud was not my idea, but I kind of liked it… so I posted a question on FB, created a freebie forum, and didn’t think much more about it until the super-seekrit-brigade began flipping out that it was intended to be an alternative for people who wanted to trash RD and other sites like it. Um. No. Since the few members there have emailed saying they are worried about retribution I have:

a. laughed pretty hard

b. asked them to be careful what they imply about it

c. offered to make it a private, email loop… or simply let it sit there untouched

7. (I know… this shit is getting LONG.) The Sceptics’ Tank has been around since before 90% of you were on the internet. We began in the late 90s, and will be around forever. Recently our webhost changed its pricing and we all decided that the actual web page had no reason to exist. The group is private, members-only, and we never shared our BBS or IRC stuff actively, except the logs we found helpful or funny… so no, the site did not vanish for nefarious reasons. It had no reason to exist. We are still here. Members already know that… but everyone else being curious was a bit odd, and I worried it would somehow get piled onto the current crazy train.

8. I did not have a heart attack. WHO THE HELL MAKES THIS STUFF UP? I discovered that a good friend was losing her battle with cancer and some of the copy-paste-brigade truncated their gossip, leading to people misunderstanding some facebook and twitter posts. I’m tired after a long and stressful week. Other than that I am great. Ask me and I will tell you so.

9. The Steampunk Bash is sold out. YAY!! This was another reason I was busy. The ROR Spring Brunch is coming up, too. Busybusybusy.

10. I am actually a writer trying to write writery stuff… another reason. Raising Tabitha will be out soon. My Boyfriend’s Back has done well. THANK YOU for the support on that!

Now you know. It would be great if people would not speculate… it would be greater still if we could all be grown-ups, say what we mean, and allow for one another to make personal decisions without creating a huge dust-up that may hurt people unnecessarily. RD is a great resource for some. Fictionistas is a great group of women. If somebody wants to stab me in the back they are free to take a shot… please do not join their ranks by stabbing THEM in the back as a favor to me. I don’t consider it a favor… I consider it meddling.

Have a nice day.

Gonna Go Back In Time

2011-03-31T03:57:00.002-04:00

I spent three hours on the telephone last night/this morning talking with a friend about books. We got caught up in a tangent about backlists.

I recently searched a favorite author to see if her latest release was available. It wasn’t, but a lot of old titles I’d never heard of—or even seen—were available at really low prices. Backlist! Stuff from her very beginnings.

I downloaded three books to plow through in order: her very first three titles. It was fascinating reading.

They were awful.

(See why I didn’t mention the author’s name?)

They really were awful. But they were also incredibly interesting and very educational. Looking at those first three books I learned a great deal about the writer, or at least her journey. Because these days she is a very reliable auto-buy. She has been for quite some time. I know (and obviously love) her voice.

It’s nice to know she had to develop it carefully and through a great deal of hard work… it gives me hope! Those first three I read had moments, here and there, of absolute genius. It was buried pretty deep. Overly precious descriptions, meandering plot movement, attachment to phrases that were weighty and vague-- none of that exists in her novels today. It positively strangled her early work.

Oh, how she has grown! It’s not the first time I have gone back to older titles of my favorite authors to find they had become very, very different writers. Almost every change has been for the better, I must say. The muscle gets stronger with exercise.

My friend Maria noted, too, how some of our favorite authors wrote toward trend in their earliest days. Many (at least it seemed so to us) who were publishing in the late seventies and eighties included forced seduction or rape scenes that practically jumped off the page screaming “I hate this, but it’s required.” We both wondered if writers in that time were being pushed that way, or assumed they were expected to include force. A few novels have been re-released with softened scenes or, in a few cases, omissions. Makes one wonder. Who wanted it in? Who wanted it out?

Backlists… many titles are very inexpensive in digital form. I encourage writers to take a gander. You’d be surprised how much you learn.

Mark Coker of Smashwords Speaks

2011-03-30T18:38:00.001-04:00

I am far from a Konrath fangirl, but this interview was great. Mark Coker, creator of Smashwords:

"I decided Big Publishing was broken. Big Publishing is in the business of publishing what it thinks it can sell, not what is good. Big Publishers operate in the rear view mirror. They try to acquire books similar to what was selling yesterday, and then they release the book in 12-18 months."

read the full interview: HERE.

Boston’s Steampunky Swerve is ON

2011-03-27T18:08:00.001-04:00

The Boston Globe ran a cool article on the Steampunk Scene invading fashion in Boston a while back, around the time Castle featured it on tv, I believe.

I’ve always loved Steampunk. There’s a wonderful blending of nostalgia, mystique, and whimsy.

Boston seems to be really going great guns with this revival of the genre. There have been museum exhibits, a Furniture and Design show, and a lot of local clubs are holding dances, theme nights, and balls.

I dragged up a few local links that are pretty cool.

The Steampunk Empire, Boston

The Steampunk Society of MA

TOR's Blog-- Is Boston The HUB of Steampunk?

Examiner Article on Boston Steampunk Scene

Stuff Boston: Steampunk Hits Home

It will be interesting to see how this develops. In the mean time—I’m loving the many opportunities to get my Steampunky Swerve ON!

Some Cops’ Takes On “True Crime” Fiction

2011-03-23T18:14:00.001-04:00

I spent an afternoon with a room full of smart, incredibly dedicated police detectives this past week. It was amazing. I was giving a workshop on using language forensics in interrogation and review. The amount of thought coming from the questions alone was a refreshing delight.

Never one to pass up an opportunity to pick outstanding brains, I grabbed at the chance to chit-chat with some of the guys after the class. They were kind enough to indulge me.

I’ve always been fascinated by how much “true crime” fiction and drama gets away with. I mean, television becomes ridiculous in condensing for an hour show. I already know how absurd “instant” DNA results are to professionals. It takes months… if you’re lucky. I know that the fiction I’ve read is riddled with shortcuts that would not only never happen—they would sometimes be firing offenses or get the criminal off scott free.

So I asked the guys about their pet peeves. I wish a few women had been there, but it was just me and the boys. Here are the biggest bitches, in no particular order:

1. Cop gets shot, then proceeds to chase the bad guy while clutching his bleeding arm. Umm… nope. Blood loss, even from a graze, would have him out cold pretty fast. Not to mention… gun shots tend to sting a bit.

2. Revisiting a crime scene for evidence not only doesn’t happen… it can’t. Once the tape is taken down, anything left behind is NOT admissible as evidence. That’s why scenes are kept live for so long.

3. Cops who act like, talk like, or think like lawyers. Cops know procedure inside and out, but they don’t try the cases on the job. They get the collar, and let the lawyers prosecute.

4. Cross-departmental contact happens on television, but not in real life… at least not often. Gumshoes don’t sit around slurping coffee while the medical examiner has his or her arm buried in the dead dude. Also? Gross!

5. Unfortunately, almost ALL romances between cops and victims, cops and other cops, and cops and suspects just would not happen without people getting fired, people getting prosecuted, or criminals getting away with the crime.

Which means the willing suspension of disbelief is going to need to pick its battles! If you are writing a romance, let that be your bend in the rules. Because if they pile up, you have committed the crime of crappy writing—that’s a 475, buster!

(It’s not… I have no idea what a 475 is… and I’m not looking it up. But I just KNOW somebody will.)

Happy writing, catz n kittenz, and thanks again to the guys!!

Return Skully and Nobody Gets Hurt

2011-03-19T11:20:00.002-04:00

I want to start off by saying that I can take a joke. Ha ha. See? I laughed. But enough is enough. Skully, my much beloved good-luck-citrus-and-sage air freshening medallion has been kidnapped. He is, as you see, pictured here. This was a warm, sunny day we spent together along the Ocean Bluff.

Skully is silver, approximately three and a half inches high, with a warm spring green liquid center. He was last seen in my car, hanging from my rear view window, making me happy.

IF SKULLY IS NOT RETURNED, UNHARMED, AND WITH HIS ESSENTIAL OILS UNDIMINISHED BY MONDAY THIS WILL BE CONSIDERED A TURF WAR.

Are you listening, people of Mount Skirgo? Two of your residents were spotted in the vicinity of the vehicle shortly before Skully vanished. Should these individuals fail to return him, your entire community may suffer.

Take heed, Skirgonauts. This means war.

Kindle Apps? TRY NOTEPAD!

2011-03-18T16:25:00.001-04:00

You absolutely, positively MUST try this app—which loads the same way a game does, but is wayyyy more than a game—for your Kindle.

Notepad is only 99 cents, but it’s an invaluable tool. You can edit, scan, and search your notes, which are dated and stored right on your kindle. The interface is simple, but cool—it looks like an actual spiral notepad.

If, like me, you dislike smartphones, or just drag your kindle everywhere, and often need a place to jot things down—best buck you’ll ever spend! I also found it a terrific way to keep my grocery list on me, pharmacy list with dates, and more.

DOWNLOAD IT HERE

From the Back of a Horse

2011-03-15T21:11:00.001-04:00

The world, as far as I can tell, is significantly better from the back of a horse. MO-- Mosaic Dreams, but he’s really humble about his magnificence—is my favorite back from which to view the world.

Right now the snowdrops are up. Daffodils are just starting to show gold around the cocoon shaped tops, rolled up like cigars. Crocus will be showing soon.

Mo doesn’t care, really. He plods along with his ears flicking forward at the birds, backward at me, forward at the wind, sideways at things I can’t hear, see, or smell.

He’s so shaggy with winter coat, even with arm-busting brushing, he looks almost roan. I can’t wait til his gorgeous rusty coat comes clear and his blanket and blaze pop white. We make a flashy pair.

Spring is coming! It may be dragging its feet, but so are Mo and me just now. Winter wore us down. But we’re crawling up through the mud… and we’ll unfurl soon enough!

Maureen McCarrie’s Telling Moon

2011-03-12T14:00:00.006-05:00

The Telling Moon

by Maureen McCarrie

Format: Kindle Edition
File Size: 92 KB
Language: English

Erotic Fantasy Romance
125,315 words.

BUY IT NOW

Hallia never dreamed when she called the Telling Moon to reveal her one true love that she would find herself falling through a magic mirror and into his very arms. But her wild night of passion with the mysterious stranger changed her forever.

Gavin is haunted by the red-haired temptress of his dreams. He knows he must wed. Knows he must fulfill his destiny as a prince. But how can any woman rival his phantom lover?

The Telling Moon is not finished with her spell... and soon Hallia and Gavin are reunited. Intrigue swirls, questions abound, and trust eludes the young lovers. Yet passion will not unbind them, and they are powerless to resist its lure.

Can she bear to be his mistress and nothing more? Can he trust her to be his soul mate? Spells cast under a misty moon bring two bodies, two souls, two lives crashing together.

Not Dropping Names

2011-03-05T19:41:00.001-05:00

I recently bumped into a person of note—and no, I am not going to drop the name. It was an odd experience for me on several levels.

First, he seems to genuinely like me, seek me out, and want to be of help to me. Because I admire him a great deal, I still find myself surprised when he shouts my name, grins, and rushes over to greet me at events or just popping around town. I even get the real-deal kiss on the cheek nowadays. Not that long ago I finally confessed to my friend that I’d been star-struck by him for a long time, and that I’d only recently become comfortable with him as “a real friend.” Thank gawd he thought it was hysterical. It’s one of the reasons I not only admire him professionally, but personally. He’s an incredibly talented, ridiculously successful, REGULAR GUY you’d want to have a beer with even if he was the counter dude at the donut shop.

It gets interesting in the second bit…

I was in public this past week and ran into my friend—we’ll call him Spike. That’s not his name, but I’ve always wished I had a friend named Spike. I mean… the street cred alone. Wander into the House of Blues and head up to the Founders Room only to hear “Olie!!” Turn around and shout “Spike, you old so-and-so!” How cool is that?

So Spike yelled “Olie!” I just so happened to have been cornered by a person I really don’t like. She’s a snob. She’s a social climber. She thinks a great deal of herself, which is most likely necessary, since nobody else seems to. Here comes Spike, and Matilda (I hate that name, so she’s Matilda… tough shit) turns twelve shades of red.

Now… this was fascinating. Spike asked me about a book I was working on. He had been kind enough to open a few doors for me and wanted to know what I’d heard back. (Nothing, it turned out, but I am into another project and Spike is the kind of person who not only asked, but actually wanted to know.)

Matilda wants very badly to get Spike to STOP looking at me, and START looking at her. Personally, I don’t fight anyone for attention or regard. But if I were going to do so, I might… I dunno, try to actually make points. I’m no Doctor Phil (thank you baby Jesus), but I know enough to figure this one out. I know you don’t make points by insulting the person your target-social-rung is praising and responding to with warmth and affection.

Hello?

Matilda interrupted four times to take a very obvious shot at me. Were my feelings hurt that she didn’t go buy my “little book?” (I had no idea she knew I’d put a novella out… so no.) Was anyone buying my “little book?” (A few people… subject change.) Well, SPIKE could give me a few pointers, couldn’t he? (He actually gave her a filthy look at that point and said something along the lines of “that’s kinda what we’re trying to do here” but politer… Spike’s like that.)

The last thing Matilda said to me, before leaving with a face like she’d just licked ear wax, was she was “sorry I had a bad week.” I am still trying to figure out where she got the idea I had a bad week. I’ve actually had a lovely week, and was in a spectacular mood. Spike hung with myself and my actual friends long after she had parted our company… alone.

I guess what stayed with me was how un-self-aware Matilda is. She made not one positive impression and forty-five minutes worth of social blunders, then left with a puss on her face.

But later that evening, when Ahmed said to me “she’s going to be tearing your back up to everyone later this weekend,” I disagreed. No… I think Matilda is one of those people who lives in a world that only exists in a three foot radius around her own warped head. She’s going straight to the next café or trendy watering hole to tell everyone how she “spent the evening” becoming VERY intimate friends with THE Spike.

And she will believe it when she says it.

Cover Love

2011-02-22T18:08:00.001-05:00

I found a Serbian artist who somehow created a photograph that was straight out of my current YA Fantasy, which will be releasing this spring.

The image was so much like the scene I associate it with that I nearly cried when I saw it.

Stay tuned for more about Echo, a minstrel who is more than she seems, and her story.

LOVE my cover!!!

Gorgeous Seed Pearl Cameo Choker

2011-02-20T00:24:00.001-05:00

This necklace is a genuine seed pearl choker with a genuine hand-carved cameo of a muse dancing. Set in Sterling, with a hallmark on the reverse bearing ITALY and the silver content, it is around 50 years old and absolutely darling. Rope detailing, plus the carver included a frame right in the detailed, tiny carving. Incredibly delicate and simply sweet! Cameo is about the size of a penny and the pearls are really quite tiny. Ideal sweet sixteen, first communion, or for a bride going the traditional route. The entire setting on the cameo is Sterling, but the clasp on the pearls is nickel-free stainless—this protects both the pearls and delicate skin or fabric from tarnish marks.

Starting bid at $45.00 – a STEAL! CLICK HERE TO BID

Free Template for Kindle Self Pub

2011-02-19T22:44:00.001-05:00

If I had known how simple it would be to format a book for Kindle using any HTML editor, I would have several nights of my life back.

Hindsight… 20/20… you know the drill. Anyhooters, I created a template for Dreamweaver—or any HTML editor—and put it up on my Websong site for freebies. It has the forced page break before chapters, link-jumps in the index, and removes the spaces between paragraphs.

DOWNLOAD IT HERE

I Have to Have This!

2011-02-17T20:45:00.001-05:00

I found this online and may be forced to order it simply because it’s so beautiful it breaks my heart.

My Boyfriend's Back

2011-02-12T22:21:00.003-05:00

My Boyfriend's Back

A Short, Sweet Romance
by Chrissy Olinger

Paranormal/Fantasy Romance only .99
15,826 words

Available on Kindle from Amazon.com -- BUY IT NOW

"Fear not! I bring you tidings of... DAMMIT!"

With those few words, Jack Lynch's world was turned upside-down. Once the nerd everyone loved to torment, he has returned to his home town for his twentieth reunion. Now a multimillionaire, Jack has everything but the one thing that matters: his true love. Twenty years ago he let her slip away. Now he's back, and determined to win her heart.

But screeching tires on an icy road change everything. If being temporarily dead weren't bad enough, Norman— an angel in training— returns Jack's spirit to the wrong body— the class bully, John Lydon.

With the rockin' hot bod of his former nemesis, the help of a nerdy angel, and his own wits, Jack has to get Rori to see him, love him, and bring about a miracle... without revealing this true identity. The clock is ticking, and he only has three days.

Jack's got the brains; his new body has the brawn; and Norman's got his back. What could possibly go wrong?

*This book contains some mild language, no strong sexual content, and an excessive amount of silliness.

Life, Death, and the Unknown

2011-02-06T15:40:00.001-05:00

Recently I came upon a conversation involving reactions to mortality. Basically it was “what would you do if you knew you were dying?”

I opted not to participate. The conversation was taking place on a forum I no longer post to (I occasionally lurk in silence to read, but very rarely). And I’ve learned that this is one of those “no talking to people” topics.

What I always find interesting is that mortality discussions take on a flavor very much like “if I won the lottery,” which is mind-bogglingly naïve. Trust me, even under the best of circumstances you don’t get to be both incredibly active and terminally ill at the same time. These folks who think it’s a Tim McGraw song are in a bit of denial.

But if you ARE healthy and think that’s a great philosophy, I DO recommend you “live like you were dying.” Do it, if you can.

I beat cancer, and later found out that I had a terminal illness. The interesting thing about diagnosis like mine is that they can only estimate life span. I have had pulmonary fibrosis for five years now, which is dead-center on the life expectancy. In other words, I am only supposed to live three to five years past diagnosis, and seven at the most. Yet I am not only still alive, I live reasonably well in spite of things. There is no cure, and so far no treatment that allows us to live indefinitely with the disease, so all PF patients are dying, most likely within five years of discovering we have it. Yet I’m only on oxygen as needed, still remain active, and recently found that while my body is damaged forever, the destruction of lung capacity has, apparently, halted. So who knows? I could live a long time with lots of annoying issues, none of them I would not gladly face to keep living.

I can’t climb mountains or fly at high altitudes or run marathons. People almost always say “I would travel.” No, most likely, you wouldn’t. Dying people—and I am among the most active and able of the group—can’t usually travel. That’s a nice movie plot—but there is also a reason most of those movies end with “it wasn’t a brain tumor after all!”

But being limited doesn’t mean being DONE. And while I find the naiveté amusing, perhaps occasionally insulting, the flip side is I am walking that walk without freaking out—or giving up. And here’s where I can actually, perhaps, offer some sage advice.

Don’t be scared. The truth of the matter is, none of us know when the moment is actually going to happen and a lot more people die suddenly without getting a chance to prepare.
Do what they tell you. Even an incurable, terminal disease can miraculously vanish, or benefit from a sudden medical discovery. Just because there is no hope on day 1 doesn’t mean hope is gone. If you follow medical advice you’ll be more likely to last long enough to see it.
What you CAN do, do. Finish stuff, don’t put things off til later, and try to check off any bucket list items you can, realistically.
Figure out what you really do believe and you’ll most likely find you can deal with it a lot more calmly and casually than you think.
When Tim says “live like you’re dying” he means embrace the joy of life, not dwell, wallow, whine, and obsess. Not only is that a waste of the life you have… your spirit listens to those messages. If all you think and/or care about is your medical condition, you won’t be around long. We can very quickly come to adore our misery. If your sickness becomes your love, it will love you back… and love you to death.

Chrissy Olinger

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